Princess of SAMCRO
by NewAtThis2018
Summary: Brooke was basically adopted into the SAMCRO family as a teenager. After a traumatic experience brings her closer to one of the MC members, how will their relationship be affected?
1. Chapter 1

**So this is my first time ever writing a Fan Fiction. This chapter is quite short, but I am trying to lay the background of the main character. As for time frame, the TV series begins when Jax is 30. At the beginning of this story he is 25. I hope you enjoy and I hope you post some feedback!**

Emptiness. That is the only word I can think of to describe how I felt. My parents, the two people in the world that I held the dearest, gone. It happened too fast. One minute I was a simple fifteen-year-old, straight A student on the dance team, and the next I was an empty shell of myself. I had no family, none close enough to take me in at least. My parents, although socialites with many friends, both had difficult pasts with each of their families, causing us to lose touch long ago. I have vague memories of vacationing in Florida with my dad's family, and of visiting my mom's in Southern California, but those feel like ancient history because for so long it had been just my parents and me. And then it was just me.

I grew up in Charming. My dad was a local business owner and my mom was a doctor at St. Thomas. Both were successful professionals and well known throughout the community. It was also well known that my dad and Clay Morrow, President of the Sons of Anarchy, were childhood friends and remained close as they grew into men and into different professional directions. As far back as I can remember I remember being close with the Sons, specifically Clay, Gemma and Jax. They were the closest thing to family I had outside of my parents. This is why, at the age of fifteen when my world fell apart, the couple took me into their home and into their lives.

It has taken me a year to truly experience the grieving process in its entirety and I am a different person coming out on the other side. I am no longer a Straight A student and honestly, I could care less about school. I used to dream about continuing my education and becoming a doctor, just like my mom. That dream is pushed so far back in my mind that I can barely recognize that version of myself. I am a senior now, my eighteenth birthday is in a week, and I am ready to be done with school and done with every one of my peers. With the exception of my best friend, Ava, I have lost most of my other friends. I guess this is because of who I have turned into since my parents died, but honestly, I could care less because I didn't have the energy to pretend everything has been okay. I spend my time either at school, or working in the office at Teller Morrow.

"Brook, you're going to be late for school again if you don't get your ass out of bed", I heard Gemma yell up the stairs as I rolled over to check the time on my phone.

 _I don't know why she is yelling, I still have time._ Gemma had become not only a maternal figure in my life, but also a best friend. She looks after me as fiercely as she does Jax, her own son, but she has never tried to replace my own mother. She has expected me to accept The Sons as my family, which I have done completely and am grateful that they have accepted me in return. If Gemma is the queen of SAMCRO, I guess you could say I am the Princess. The men are as loyal to me as they are to each other and Gemma, and I show the same respect in return. This is my family, my life now, and I would not trade it for anything because they are all I have.

"Brooklyn!". _Great, she full named me._

"I am up and I will be down in five minutes". I got dressed and made my way downstairs. Breakfast in the Teller-Morrow household was typically rushed during the week, mostly because I could never get myself down in time to enjoy it. I grabbed a granola bar, told Gemma I would see her at TM after school, and headed out the door to my car. My parents car actually, the one that was not in the accident. A bitter sweet gift on my sixteenth birthday and a daily reminder of them.

After my parents died I became the sole heir to everything, the house, their car, and their fortune. My dad came from a wealthy family and had more money than I could imagine in the bank, waiting for me to turn eighteen. I have thought about what to do after I graduate many times over the past two years. I have access to money and opportunity, but I couldn't picture my life without SAMCRO anymore. It was like in the past few years the lifestyle and the family have imprinted on me and I can no longer see myself leaving. Any past dreams are distant memories and the only thing I can picture myself doing is continuing to work at the garage. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving the only family I have, now, of losing another family, I care about each of them too much.


	2. Chapter 2

The next week, the week before my birthday, came and went like any other week. My birthday fell on a Friday this year, perfect Gemma says, for having a family dinner. Family dinners consisted of SAMCRO in their entirety, as well as some carefully selected Croweaters to help Gemma in the kitchen. I was at the TM office alone to finish up the days paperwork after Gemma had left early to prepare for the dinner. I had gotten up exceptionally late that morning, completely forgetting that my car had gotten a flat tire the night before. Gemma insisted on dropping me off at school and pick me up, promising she would have Jax change the tire tonight after dinner. I didn't mind this time alone in the office, especially today. I hadn't liked my birthday since my parents died. Gemma did everything perfect to try and help me celebrate each year, but every year it was just a day to be reminded of what I had lost. _"Think about them and the happy moments and move on darling. Think of everything you have gained since then"_ was what she told me each time she saw me getting depressed again. She was right, I am thankful for the family I have gained, but that doesn't make facing what I have lost any easier, especially on this day.

"Why the sad face Brookie?" someone said from behind me, interrupting my thought. I knew who it was before turning around. Tig was the only person who called me Brookie.

"This day hasn't gotten any easier this year, Tiggy"

"I know sweetheart, but you know we are all here for you. You happy about the dinner tonight?"

"Of course I am! That's why I am taking my time to wallow here before I leave"

"Good girl. Don't want to upset the Queen by being sad on your birthday, Princess. I don't see your car here, need a lift?"

"Nah I'm good Tiggy. Jax is bringing me over when I'm done here. Ill see you later yea?"

"Wouldn't miss it sweetie" He said, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the office.

Over the past year here, I have gotten to know each member of SAMCRO very well and have developed a different relationship with each one. Tig is flirtatious by nature and that doesn't stop on my account. He flirts with me just as any other woman he is around, but with me it is different; innocent, playful, and coming from a place of platonic love. Chibs has become like a best friend to me and is someone I know I can confide in with anything. Opie is like the big brother I never had, over protective and easy to be around. Bobby, like he is with every member of his family, is so much a paternal figure and more or less my moral compass. Piney is the old man who sneaks me shots of tequila when I need to take my mind off of everything, and like Opie, being around him is just easy. Clay tries his best to be a father figure, although I see that it is hard for him. I am not a SAMCRO prodigy like Jax and I don't think he knows exactly what to do with a teenage girl. Living under his roof though and having him care enough to help Gemma care for me is all I need from him and I am more grateful than I think he knows. I have never looked at Jax like a brother because to be honest I had a massive crush on him since I was ten. With his gorgeous blue eyes and effortlessly perfect blonde hair, how could I not? But since moving in with Gemma he has become my only best friend, aside from Ava. He is compassionate, a trait that Gemma lacks, and listens to me when I breakdown from the pain of loss, probably because he understands what it feels like to lose a parent.

"You ready darlin?" Jax said, interrupting my train of thought. I looked down and realized that I had gotten no work done since Tig left.

As if he read my mind Jax said, "Leave the work, its your birthday! Finish it later and lets go"

"Shoot, I left my helmet at the house. Do you have an extra?" I ask him

"Nah, but you can use mine", he said, handing me his helmet.

We left the clubhouse together and got on Jax's bike. I found a love in riding on the back of a motorcycle and would take a ride from any of the guys as often as I could. I loved the feeling of being in the open and being free. I loved watching the scenery go by as we rode. It was a short distance from the clubhouse to Gemma's, but I was savoring every moment of this feeling.

We stopped at a red light when suddenly, I heard a car quickly approaching us from behind, pulling up a little too close. If Jax noticed, he didn't make any movements to show it, but I caught a glimpse of his hand tighten around the handlebar. Not being able to see much out of my peripherals due to the helmet I was wearing, I didn't see anything until he was directly next but slightly behind Jax. A man wearing all black and a ski mask was suddenly standing slightly behind Jax, and by the time I saw he was there he had lifted his arm, swung it around, and hit Jax in the head with what I believe was the butt of his gun. Jax was knocked out, slumping over the front of his handlebars, and leaving me staring in fear at the man with the gun and another man dressed all in black standing slightly behind him. That was the last thing I remember before I felt a sharp stab in my arm and blacked out.


	3. Chapter 3

**I decided to publish three chapters at once, but I would love some feedback before publishing more! I actually have about 11 chapters written :). This one is a bit longer and has jumped right into some drama, because there is nothing I hate more than a slow beginning. Enjoy!**

I woke up feeling like I had the worst hangover imaginable, but the first thing I noticed when I opened my eyes was blackness. It took me a few moments to become oriented and realize that I was blindfolded, and my hands and feet were tied. I immediately was overcome with extreme anxiety and began to try and free myself from whatever was binding me.

"Brook, is that you? Are you awake?" I head Jax say from what sounded like across the room. The instant I heard his voice I began to feel less anxious, like knowing that he was here and okay made the situation seem less dire.

"Jax? Where are we?" I asked, although the words sounded slow and slurred as I spoke them.

"I don't know darlin, I'm blindfolded, are you?"

"Yes" I respond, "And my hands and feet are tied. Have they said anything? Why are we here?" There it was again, that anxiety began bubbling up and threatened to spill over at any moment.

"No, I don't know why they took us. Hell, I don't even know who took us. I woke up maybe half an hour before you did. My head fucking hurts. Whoever they are, these bastards are going to regret this"

I knew he meant it, although I am sure that even if we do get out of here, I will never know exactly how he would make them regret it. I have learned to accept that while I often know vaguely what the club is up to on any given day, I never know any actual details. Jax has recently realized that I am the perfect person for stakeouts; _You blend in perfectly to any setting Darlin. Plus, if anyone were to approach you, you can just sweet talk your way into their heart,_ he said to me before playfully punching me in my arm. I had done a few stakeouts for the club and I loved it because it made me feel even more a part of the family. Plus, the rush of it was exhilarating, even though each time I did it, nothing overly exciting happened.

"I think they drugged me Jax. I felt a sharp stab in my arm and then I blacked out."

"These fuckers are in for a real treat after we get out of here. Its one thing to go after me, but you do not fuck with my family"

That never failed to make my heart flutter just a little bit. Jax, and all the guys, had called me 'family' before, but each time it made me warm inside. I spent a year after my parent's death in a constant state of depression and I had a hard time letting people in. My new family did not let down though, and after a while I was able to accept their love and accept them as family. Now, when they call me family, I feel as though I belong, which is a feeling I lost for a long time.

"Jax, you know how my anxiety gets. I don't know how long I will be able to take it like this, especially with the blindfold on"

Its true. He did know exactly how my anxiety gets. Since I was a kid I struggled with anxiety but since I lost my parents it has been worse than ever. I can't really talk to Gemma about it, she doesn't understand and she won't let me get any outside help. _You don't need a therapist sweetie, all you need is your family_ , is what she says each time the subject comes up. I wasn't surprised by this because _Family cures everything_ is her adopted way of thinking. She is not wrong, I guess, but I knew that I could seriously benefit from some medication at least. Jax was my go to person to help ease my anxiety. He had a way about him that never failed to help me overcome the darkness that anxiety creates for me.

"I will work something out so that we can get these blindfolds off. They obviously want something from SAMCRO, otherwise they would not have been stupid enough to kidnap our VP", said Jax matter of factly.

"You really are not in a position to be calling us stupid ese". I heard a voice state as I heard a door swing open. The use of the word 'ese' along with a hint of an accent, tipped me off, and I know it did Jax as well, as to who was behind this kidnapping. The Mayans. SAMCRO and the Mayans have been dueling since what I can assume was a very long time. I know that a war between the two Motor Cycle Clubs caused more than one death years ago and the relationship has grown increasingly tense since. From what I have come to understand at the stem of the disagreement is guns.

"I call them as I see them _ese_ " Jack retorted in a mocking tone. "What can I help you with gentlemen?", returning to his calm tone with an underlying hint of sarcasm.

"Oh, I don't think we will start with what you can help us with, VP. I would like to see what this pretty young thing can help us with", the man replied with what I imagined as a sly grin on his face. My heart stopped for a moment when I heard what he was implying.

"Don't you dare touch her!" Jax roared.

"What happens will be up to her, and up to you. Little Lady, do you know the phone number to the SAMCRO president?"

"I… Uh.. I…" I could not seem to form sentences. Of course I knew Clays phone number, but I also knew that Jax and the club would not want me to give the information up. I froze as I heard the man, standing too close, sigh in frustration as if I was some stupid, useless girl.

"Leave her out of this. This is club shit; does it look like she is a member?" Jax said calmly. "You want information you are going to have to deal with me, and only me. And the first thing you are going to do is take these blindfolds off, or you're not getting shit"

The next thing I knew I felt a splitting pain in my side as I let out a cry of pain. Although I could not see what had happened, it felt like a boot came crashing into my side, breaking at least one of my ribs.

"Try again VP, or Little Lady here gets it again" Said the man, who had bent down beside me and I could feel his arm press against my aching side and his breath on my neck. He smelled of old cigars and whisky, the combination making me want to dry heave.

"Alright man! Alright" Jax replied in a more rushed tone now. I could tell although he did not know what exactly had caused me pain, he did not want any further actions to be taken. "I will give you Clays number. But as a gesture of good faith after I do, take these blindfolds off and you'll find that working with us will be much smoother"

"We will see what results we get from the phone call before removing anything. The digits, now" The man, still breathing on my neck, demanded.

I heard Jax give the man Clays number and then I heard the door slam shut. We still did not know what the men were after or what they wanted from Clay. I could barely focus as pain seethed through my right side, and mixed with my own anxiety, I found it hard to breathe.

"Are you okay Brooke? What did they do to you?"

"I think he kicked me and broke a rib, maybe two" I replied. I had broken a rib once before after falling during a tumble in dance class, I knew what the pain felt like. This pain was similar, although I don't remember it hurting quite this much.

"Fucking asshole. We will get out of here okay? I promise."

I believed him. I believed him because I knew that Jax doesn't make promises lightly. And I believed him because I know his brothers are going to do anything they can to get us home. I don't know if I passed out because of the pain or if I managed to drift off to sleep after hearing Jax reassure me. But a welcomed darkness came over me. Welcomed because at least when I was asleep, I was out of the hell of reality in this moment.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you all for the reads, follows, favorites, and reviews! To answer a question posted in the reviews,** ReadtoRelax **Because this part of the story is written from Brooke's POV, we won't find out exactly why the kidnapping took place because I don't think that is something the Club would let her in on. She may know some vague details, but beyond that she is unsure.**

When I woke up I had no idea how long I had been asleep for. I sensed someone hovering over me and suddenly felt whatever was being used to blindfold me being ripped off. My eyes took a long moment to adjust to the brightness and I was having difficulty seeing anything beyond the ski mask covered face who was hovering in front of me. After my eyes somewhat adjusted, I realized that we were in a dimly lit basement, surrounded by three men dressed all in black, all with ski masks covering their faces. A thought of amusement flashed through my mind because its not like we did not know what MC had taken us. I guess they felt as though the masks provided some form of anonymity so that SAMCRO could not decipher what individual Mayan members to retaliate against.

I looked across the room and saw Jax, whose blindfold had been removed as well. Our eyes met, and I could tell he was assessing me to see if I was okay. I gave him a slight nod to indicate that I was as good as to be expected. I noticed that he had a large bump and bruise over his right eye, likely from where he had been hit by the butt of the kidnapper's gun.

"Clay knows what we want, and he has until tomorrow to come through with the deal. If that doesn't come through, Little Lady over here will be the first to see what happens", one of he men said before all three exited the room.

I didn't know how to react or how to feel. My side was killing me and I wanted nothing more than to move my hands and feet as they were aching too.

"I'm scared Jax" I said in a defeated tone.

"I know darlin'. When they come in here I want you to pretend you are hyperventilating; act like you can't breathe and shit. I want you over here with me and if they think you are going to die they will do what I say"

"Okay" I replied simply. If there was one thing I was sure of it was that Jax knew what he was talking about and knew best how to get us out of this situation. I trusted him, at this moment quite literally with my life. Also, I wanted to be close to him because that would provide me with a least a small feeling of comfort. Jax started yelling as loud as he could until one of the men opened the door. He was smaller in frame than the rest and I had noticed when they had taken the blindfold off, he was standing quietly in the corner, seemingly not wanting to be involved in the situation at all. _Good_ I thought, _maybe he has some compassion and this plan will actually work._

As soon as Jax had started yelling, I had begun to act like I was having a hard time breathing. I was gasping for air, which hurt my ribs like hell, but I continued despite that.

"Man, she has really bad anxiety and asthma as well. She's freaking out right now and if I can't get her to calm down, she's going to going into a full-blown asthma attack. I'm thinking that loosing a SAMCRO family member would not get you want you want from Clay". Jax said this as calmly and seriously as if he actually believed the words he was feeding the man.

The man came over to me as I continued my act of breathlessness and did my best to portray desperation in my eyes. He stared down at me for a few moments before turning back to Jax and asking, "What the hell am I supposed to do with her ese?"

"Bring her over to me, I can get her to calm down. She is stressed, and she needs to be comforted. Now"

The man grabbed my arm from under my armpit and lifted me to my feet. Since they were tied together, he carefully scooped me up into his arms, carried me across the room, and gently placed me down on the floor beside Jax. My intuition was right about him, I could tell he had compassion by the way he handled the me and the situation.

"Calm her the fuck down. I have to go tell the boss about this. This shit is way messier than I signed up for. Ay dios mio", the man said before turning to walk out the door.

Once I heard the door lock and his footsteps walk up the stairs, I turned to Jax and could not help but smile. Instantaneously I felt a wave of relief flood over my body as I felt him scoot over to me, so our arms were touching. That small touch made me feel protected and safe.

"Thank you Jax, I couldn't stand being over there by myself."

He nodded, smirked, and replied "Of course darling. Clay better come through with whatever they are asking for and he better do it fucking fast"

I drifted off to sleep with my head on Jax's shoulder. I woke up to find that he had moved his tied hands onto my thigh, my head was still on his shoulder, and he had fallen asleep with his head leaning back against the wall. I took a moment to look at him and remembered why I had a crush on him all those years ago. Since moving in with Gemma and Clay, I hadn't really thought about Jax in that way, mostly because we had become so close and he was one of my best friends. But looking at him made me remember that he is gorgeous. His blond hair, disheveled now, still fell perfectly on either side of his face. Despite being asleep with his mouth slightly open, his face looked beautifully sculpted. His eyes were closed now but I imagined their baby blue color that always seemed as though they could pierce through your soul.

Jax is about seven years older than me, although I don't think he looks it. _Oh lord, I am eighteen now. Well that certainly opens up some possibilities doesn't it?_ That thought popped into my mind before I could stop it. I don't know if it is because of the sense of safety Jax had provided me with the night before, or if it was because I was sitting here staring at this sleeping thing of pure sexiness, but I couldn't have stopped that thought if I had wanted to. _Shut it down Brooke, this is Jax you're thinking about._ At that moment I think he finally felt me staring at him because he began to stir and wake up. Before he opened his eyes, I managed to turn mine away and face forward again. I could feel that my cheeks were hot so I did my best to avoid looking in his direction. _Great, now I am awkward, like he won't notice that._

"How long was I out for?" he mumbled half awake.

"I don't know. I just woke up a few minutes before you did."

Jax looked around and nodded towards a tiny window that peered out just inches above the ground. "Its dark now" he noted, "That means that once the sun comes up it should only be a few more hours until we are out of here"

The door swung open reveling the three masked men once again. Two entered into the room with purpose, while the man from before walked slowly and carefully into the room. I could tell through the holes in his mask that his eyes were swollen and bloody.

"Good work fooling the new kid, _Idiota_ ", the biggest of the men scoffed, turning back towards the smaller man. "What did I tell you would happen if you didn't do as I say?" He nearly yelled with a sinister look on is face.

Before I could comprehend, the man kneed me in my already aching rib and then without warning punched me in the side of the head. Searing pain and then darkness. That is the last thing I remember.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks again for reading! Since I have Part One of the story written, I am going through each chapter to edit and review and will post as soon as I make sure everything is how I want it! Please continue to review as I really appreciate any feedback.**

I woke up and immediately looked to the small window. Daylight. _Maybe this nightmare is almost over_. I became aware that Jax was awake and staring at me, as if to give me a moment to collect my bearings and come back to consciousness.

"I am so, so sorry that bastard did this to you. Trust me when I say he will pay"

"I know Jax, I just…" My thought trailed off as I stared into his eyes. I could see concern, more so than before I got knocked out. He was worried, and this time I think it was more about my head than getting us out of here. Tears welled up in my eyes as pain, exhaustion, and a feeling of defeat came over me. "I'm scared".

He continued to look down at me, staring into my eyes. He bowed his head so that I could nuzzle my face into his neck. I stayed there for what felt like forever as I cried. Jax said nothing and just let me feel everything that I was feeling. That is something else I cherish about him, he doesn't try to fix me he just is there as a support. Once I calmed down and the uncontrolled crying stopped he drew back just enough to say, "Look at me darlin"

I looked up at him and into his ocean of blue eyes. _Gorgeous._ I could feel my face redden again and this time he definitely noticed. He looked at me and gave me a grin that I had seen countless times before. Wherever Jax went, females noticed him and when he knew that he was being admired, he gave the sheepish of grins. And that grin is what I got while he was staring down at me. There was no doubt that Jax Teller knew how sexy he was, and for the first time in my life, he knew that I was admiring him like so many other women do.

In that moment, I don't know if it was fear or the simple fact that we were in survival mode together, but Jax slowly and carefully leaned toward me, his lips stopping inches before my own. I felt him let out a tiny sigh, almost as if to ask me to close the distance between us. Asking if this was okay, if this was something I wanted to do. My thoughts were racing a mile a minute, but my body took control and I leaned into him the rest of the way. Our lips met, gently at first and barely touching. It was so soft that I wasn't sure that my likely concussed brain wasn't making it up. He deepened it though, making it perfectly clear that I wasn't imagining it. I felt his tongue against my lips, again just barely and seemingly asking to be let in. I have seen Jax with countless women and this gentleness is something I would have never expected from him. I parted my lips and let him explore my mouth with his tongue as I did the same to his. I felt electricity run through my body as we continued to kiss. I went to lift my hands and run my fingers through his hair, forgetting that they were tied together. Something inside me was craving to have more of me touch more of him.

Almost as abruptly as he began, Jax pulled away and inhaled deeply. He then lightly kissed the corner of my mouth and whispered "I know that you are scared but feel me next to you and know that you will be okay. Rest your head and try to relax"

I did as he said and rested my head on his shoulder. _What the hell just happened?_ I thought as I felt my body ease into his side. I didn't speak because I didn't know what to say, but I did know that right now, this was exactly what I needed. Maybe that is why he did it? _Yea,_ I thought, _he kissed you because you were on the verge of a mental breakdown and he knew he had to ground you. It meant nothing, did it?_ Thinking about my own answer to that question, despite the shock of the kiss, it felt…right.

I would have thought that kissing Jax would be end up being weird and awkward because of our relationship. But for some reason, really unknown to me, that kiss seemed real and it felt good. I have had boyfriends before, although trust me when I say it is hard to date when your family is SAMCRO. Some better than others and I was certainly no virgin, but something about this kiss with Jax was different and I don't think it is because were kidnapped and locked in a basement. As I felt myself drifting off to sleep again, I replayed the feeling of electricity that kiss sent through my body and wondered what the hell that meant exactly.

I was woken up by the feeling of arms around me. I was having a hard time opening my eyes and I thought for sure that it was one of the Mayans moving me away from my safety. I felt myself being carried up the stairs and then felt the heat of the California sun on my skin. _Damn that feels nice_ I thought, still unable to open my eyes. _At least if they are going to kill me I was able to feel the sun one last time._ I heard the door of a van slide open and felt myself being lifted inside. Whoever was carrying me sat down and laid me across their lap, cradling me in their arms.

"It's okay sweetheart, we are safe now" I heard the person carrying me softly say into my ear.

"Jax?" I spoke with slurred speech

"Yea Darlin, I'm here. We're going to get you to the hospital okay?"

"What the hell happened Jackie Boy?" I heard Chibs ask, seemingly from the driver's seat.

"The asshole knocked me out and then drugged Brooke when they kidnapped us. When we were in the basement one of the bastards kicked her ribs and then punched her head against the wall. I think she has a concussion and some broken ribs". I felt Jax's fingers running through my hair as he told what happened. I was somewhat aware that the van held more members of the MC, but I couldn't distinguish who through the chatter of them discussing the deal that had been made to get us back. I blacked out again to the soothing feeling of Jax holding me tight and stroking my hair.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks again everyone for reading and reviewing! Like I've mentioned, I am new to sharing stories with people and any feedback encourages me to continue! To answer a question,** ReadtoRelax, **keep reading for a little information about the rescue! There is a small part in chapter 9 that talks about it, but since this is from Brooke's point of view and she was unconscious during those moments, she doesn't have too much information about it.**

I woke up again I was in a hospital bed and the sounds of beeping machines filled the room. I looked down at my arm and saw an IV attached it. I noticed that the endless pain I had felt in the basement was gone so I figured whatever was dripping through the IV was responsible. _Thank god for pain meds_. I looked over to find Gemma asleep in one of the chairs that was on the other side of the room. Seeing her brought a smile to my face and I knew that I was safe again.

I began to replay the events of the past few days in my head. Being kidnapped, blindfolded and tied up, being kicked and punched, and being scared. Those were the first thoughts I was able to process. Then, like a surprising flash, _That kiss!_. I replayed the moments leading up to, the kiss itself, and the moments after. _He was just trying to keep you calm Brooke, you are reading too much into it. It was an innocent, albeit sexy, gesture._ But then I remembered the way he was holding me and stoking my hair on the way to the hospital. I don't remember the Mayans letting us go and I don't remember most of the trip to the hospital, but I can still feel Jax's arms around me and his fingers running through my hair. _God damn it Brooke, shut it down. Jax would never actually want you, not like that._ I mean seriously; he probably looks at me like a little sister. This is ridiculous. I am sitting in a hospital bed, not even knowing the full extent of my injuries, and obsessing over a kiss. _A steamy hot kiss_ …

"Gemma?" I managed to squeak out, although found it difficult to talk

"Brooke, you're awake! Let me get the doctor" she said rushing towards the door.

"Water Gem, can you get me some water?

"Sure sweetheart"

The doctor came in and examined me. She explained that two of my ribs are broken and that I have a small brain bleed from where my head hit the wall after I was punched. She explained that it will likely clear up on its own, but that I would have to stay in the hospital for a few days until they could be sure it was healed. After she left Gemma came to my bedside and gave me a kiss on the forehead that lingered a bit longer than usual.

"I was scared to death about you. And about Jackson. Thank god it wasn't worse"

"Jax, where is he?" I asked.

"He went out with the club to sort some shit out. Those Mayans are going to regret doing this. I don't think I have ever seen him so riled up before. Whatever they have comin they deserve it. Jax wanted me to let you know that he will be back by after he is done to check on you"

"Okay thank you Gem. Thank you for staying with me"

"Of course, sweetheart. You should get some rest"

She was right, I still felt physically exhausted and the pain meds were making me groggy. I drifted back into a peaceful sleep. It was morning before I woke up again, and to my surprise, Jax was sitting in one of the chairs looking at his phone. He hadn't noticed me wake up, so I took the opportunity to take him in. My eyes were drawn to his lips and I couldn't stop myself from imagining them meeting mine again. _Damn girl, one kiss and he has you hooked_. Yea because that is what I need, to have a hopeless crush on Jax Teller.

Like clockwork, because he can always tell when someone is looking at him for too long, he looked up and I swear I saw a gleam in his eye and a smirk that I was not usually greeted with. _Its in your head_ , I thought to myself.

"Mornin sunshine" he said, still through a smirk.

"Uh, hey Jax. You are here early huh?"

"Came last night after I was done taking care of some business. Didn't want to leave you alone after what happened I guess"

I smiled at him because regardless of anything else, I knew he truly cares about me. I don't know if he felt it or if it was just me, but I was overcome with a wave of awkwardness, thinking back to that damn kiss again. If he wasn't going to address the elephant in the room, I guess I would have to.

"Jax, we need to talk about something…" He interrupted before I could finish my thought.

"That kiss…" he trailed.

"Yea that. Look I know I was having a moment and I was about to lose it, so I get why you did it. I just don't want things to be awkward between us now. You did what you had to to calm me down. So I just wanted to say that I know what it was and why it happened" I rambled while looking down at my hands and I could feel the burn on my cheeks increasing.

Jax moved closer to me until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. I could feel the burn of his eyes as he stared at me, but I did not dare to look up at him.

"Look at me darlin" he almost whispered. He placed his finger under my chin and softly lifted my chin, forcing me to look him in his eyes. "So what your saying is…" he trailed and that stupid, sexy grin spread across his face, "You didn't enjoy it?"

I was left dumfounded. I had not expected this to be his response to my rambling and I had no idea how to respond. "I…uh… I didn't dislike it"

He chuckled at this and continued to stare into my eyes. "You wouldn't want me to kiss you again?" He slyly asked, keeping up with that grin.

"I just thought that you kissed me because we were in survival mode together or whatever. Heat of the moment type of thing."

For the first time since this interaction began, Jax looked down from my eyes to my lips. _Damn that is hot_. "What if I wanted to kiss you again?" he asked, still staring at my lips and inching just a little bit closer.

This moment was so similar to the previous moment we shared. It was again as if he was asking my permission for our lips to meet. Except this time my hands were not tied, and I found myself reflexively reaching up to cup behind his ear with my hand. The moment I did this, he acknowledged it as a form of permission and slowly met my lips with his. This kiss was different than the first because I was expecting it and because it was less unsure. He didn't ask permission this time to invade my mouth with his tongue and instead just took control of it, of me. My hand continued to run through his wild blonde hair as my other hand met his arm. He placed his hand on the back of my head, gently pulling my hair back so that the weight of my head rested in his palm. He used this to guide my head back down to the pillow and he pulled his lips away from mine and tucked a stray piece of my hair behind my ear.

"Rest" he whispered into my ear, so I could feel his breath which sent a shiver down my spine. "Now, did you want to keep rambling about why it happened, or do you want to consider the fact that maybe I liked it. A lot."

He remained inches from my ear when he whispered those words to me, but I still was unsure if I had heard him right. Jackson Teller kissed me, twice now, and he enjoyed it? It seemed too unlikely. I have always had a bad habit of over thinking and over analyzing every situation I am in. I could tell by the look on his face that he knew I was doing just that at this moment. He stared at me with a smug grin, raising one eyebrow as if he was waiting for me to answer; knowing that I was likely losing control of my thoughts.

"You liked it?" was all I could come to speak.

He nodded. "And you did too, I can tell. Look, I know you are over thinking this shit right now. You always do. What we went through down there was stressful, especially after that douchebag hit you. That kiss may have started in the heat of the moment, but I would be lyin' if I said it didn't leave me wanting more". He ran his hand through his hair as he said that last part, and if I didn't know him so well I may have thought he was becoming shy.

"Jax I…"

"Shh" he said as he made a motion to the bed asking me to make room for him. I did as he wished and found myself resting my head on his shoulder. "Rest now darlin, you don't have to say anything else".

Again I found myself feeling overwhelmingly safe and comfortable. I could not get what he had said out of my head. He couldn't stop thinking about the kiss we shared. Neither could I if I am being honest. I hadn't been able to stop thinking about it each time I was awake since the moment it happened. What the hell am I supposed to do with the information that it had the same effect on him. And now, here I am snuggled in a hospital bed with this big, bad, biker boy, watching MASH reruns on TV. Eventually my brain slowed down enough for me to fall back to sleep, still in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

I ended up spending five days in the hospital before they cleared me to go. The bleeding in my brain had stopped and corrected itself, and there was nothing to do about my ribs except rest and pain meds. I was relieved to go home and be comfortable in my own bed. I had not been alone with Jax since that first night in the hospital. When I woke up in the morning he had left, and each time he came to see me after that he was either with another brother or Gemma was there. We both acted like nothing was out of the ordinary. I think we both felt like since we didn't even know what the fuck we were doing, we should probably keep it from the family for now. If this…whatever…were to go any further, it was sure to cause some ripples in the club.

I had missed a week of school and it was already the following Friday. One week ago today was when Jax and I got kidnapped. The first night in the hospital went smoothly, but the following nights were hell. Each night I woke up at some point in the night from awful and realistic nightmares. Nightmares of men in masks and darkness, so much darkness. Nightmares of the pain, in both my head and chest. I would wake up covered in sweat and would not be able to fall back asleep for hours. What I am going to do about this, I have no fucking clue. I was hoping that when in the comfort of my own bed they would stop. They didn't. The first night back at home was just as bad as the others. _I have to do something about this. Maybe one of the guys have some sleeping pills or something_.

I waited hours for the sun to come up, for an appropriate hour to get out of bed. I was sick of laying in a bed. My chest was still sore, but it was tolerable, and I needed to get out of the damn house. Finally, it seemed like a good hour to be awake, to pretend to be okay. I took a much-needed shower and got dressed before heading into the kitchen. I found Gemma at the stove, busily cooking what looked like pancakes. Clay and Jax were both sitting at the kitchen island drinking coffee.

"Morning sweetheart. How did you sleep?" Gemma asked without looking up from her cooking.

"Good Morning. I slept fine" I lied. I am a horrible liar and when I do so it is written all over my face. _I need to work on that skill_.

I saw Jax raise an eyebrow at me. He saw my face and knew me too well to think I was telling the truth. I broke his gaze and helped myself to a cup of coffee. "What is everyone doing today?" I asked.

"You will be resting" Gemma said as she looked up at me this time. She raised her eyebrow at me in a way that reinforced who was in charge. _Jeesh, these two and their looks this morning. Like mother like son I guess._

"Gem I need to get out of the house, even just for a little bit. I'm going stir crazy"

"Doc said that you still need to rest" She protested.

"A little sun would do her some good Mom", Jax chimed in with a grin. I was thankful for the backing because if Gemma was going to listen to anyone it would be him. "I can take you out for a bit Brooke" he continued with a wink that only I was able to see. _Damn you, you sexy bastard._ He knew that whatever was going on between us left me eating out of the palm of his hand.

Clay finally looked up from the paper he was reading and said "Jax, you could go up to the cabin for the day, check on some shit while you're up there." He said this as more of a command than a suggestion and went back to reading his paper. Jax nodded.

"Fine Brooke. You can go to get out of the house, but Jax you'll have to take the car. She can't ride. And Brooke, I expect you to take it easy and rest while you're up there"

"Yes, Queen" I replied in a teasing tone. Gemma looked up from her pancakes and rolled her eyes at me, making me chuckle. This felt good. A normal morning after an anything but normal week. It felt good to be simple if even just for a moment.

After breakfast we headed out, Jax driving and me in the passenger's seat with my window fully rolled down. The morning was just beginning to warm up and the rays of sun felt like a welcomed blessing on my skin. The wind on my face made me feel more awake and alert than I had since before the hospital. I couldn't help but grin as I watched the scenery pass by.

"So why'd you lie about sleeping well?" Jax asked, causing my happy moment to abruptly crash and burn.

"I don't know what your talking about" I replied, avoiding looking at him like the plague.

"Oh come on Darlin. I know you too well and you can't lie for shit" He said with a grin. "Just tell me".

I rolled my eyes. This is not what I wanted to talk about on my first day of feeling free again. "Fine. I have been having nightmares since the night after you stayed with me in the hospital". I said this, still keeping my eyes on he scenery passing by. It wasn't that big of a deal, I'm sure I'd get over it soon.

"You wanna talk about them?"

"Nope" I replied without saying anything else. Jax accepted my answer and we were both quiet for the rest of the drive. Jax turned up the music and rolled down his window as well. He knew this was exactly what I needed in this moment.

We got to the cabin. The air was crisp, and the only sounds today were the wind and some birds chirping. I hadn't noticed until the drive here how confined I had been feeling. The past week felt like and extension of being held in that basement. First the basement, then the hospital bed, and then right home with nothing but being tied down and being on bedrest. The drive up here reminded me what freedom felt like and I was planning to take full advantage of this day at the cabin.

"I gotta go inside and check on a few things. You comin in?" Jax asked as he got out of the car.

"No I think I'll stay out here". Jax nodded as he went inside. I stood on the porch in the corner where the sun was already hitting. I didn't want to sit down, it felt good to be standing, it felt strong. The sun was warm but there was a cool breeze that was hitting my bare arms. The perfect combination. I heard Jax moving something around inside and wondered what he needed to check in on. The club uses the cabin to hide things they don't want found, so I am figuring that this has something to do with whatever deal was made with the Mayans. Whatever, I have learned not to care too much about Club business, I decided to block everything out except the feeling of the sun and the breeze. Block out whatever Jax was shuffling around with inside. Block out the memories of the past week and the nightmares. Block out my constant wondering about what Jax and I were doing and wondering about when I might be kissing him again. Nothing mattered in this morning except the warm sun and the cool breeze.


	8. Chapter 8

**As always, thank you for the reads, reviews, follows and favorites! This and the upcoming chapters are longer than the rest and I am working on making future chapters even longer! I am having a bit of a writers block so please leave any and all feedback, it helps! Enjoy :)**

"You've been standing there for half an hour sweetheart. Why don't you take a seat"

"I don't want to sit Jax. I'm fine"

"Look, you said you've been having nightmares, which I know means you haven't been sleeping. I know you're tired. Besides, if I don't have you resting, Gemma's gonna have both our heads" _There's that grin again._

I began to protest when he scooped me up into his arms. He did so carefully to be sure not to hurt my broken right side. I put both arms around his neck, I knew fighting against him wouldn't work and would probably only cause my side to hurt. He carried me into the bedroom and paused once we reached the bed. I looked up to him and saw that gleam in his eye that was becoming all too familiar. Our lips crashed together and this time there was no asking permission. This kiss was different than the previous two, and this is what I would have expected from Jax; it was passionate and left my entire body on fire. He slowly lowered me down to the bed without breaking contact with my lips. He then very slowly moved so that he was over me without putting any pressure on my torso, being careful of my injuries. Every move that he made was precise and calculated and that was sexy as hell. Jax knew what he was doing, and he knew all the right moves to make. Our kiss continued to deepen for a few more minutes before he pulled away.

"When did the doctor say you'd be healed? I'd really like to continue this soon" Jax said in a whisper that was breathy and needy.

"Two weeks" I responded with a teasing chuckle, trying to appear more confident than I was feeling. The truth is that I was feeling self-conscious and pretty intimidated. Jax was older and certainly had more experience. He was something of a sex god and for some reason, unknown to me, he wanted me. _I want him now_ and I almost considered telling him to forget about my ribs because in this moment I didn't care. I knew he wouldn't though.

"Jesus darlin, that's a long time. Here…" he trailed off as rolled to the side of me, opening his arm to silently ask me to move closer to him "…rest. The sooner you heal, the better" He finished with a wink.

I grinned up at him and I moved closer, finding the sweet spot between his arm and his chest. I kissed him once more, softly and sweetly this time, and rested my head on his chest. I immediately fell into a sleep that for the first time in almost a week, was free of nightmares.

When I finally woke up, Jax was no longer in bed, but I could hear him talking with someone on the phone from the living room. I looked out the window and noticed it was dark, _Holy shit, I slept all day_. I felt freakin fantastic though, well rested for the first time in days. I realized that I should probably wake up and let Jax know I was awake, I am sure he needs to get home and I shouldn't keep him any longer.

I found him outside on the porch smoking a cigarette. Maybe I had never noticed before but God, he even makes smoking a cigarette hot. He was wearing his signature white shoes with dark jeans and at this moment, was wearing a simple blue hoodie. He had taken off his kutte before bringing me to bed earlier and I took a minute to think about what a rarity it is to see him without it on. Simply dressed in nothing out of the ordinary for him, but for some reason I found Jax almost irresistible. _And right on que, my cheeks are on fire_. He has made it clear that he wants this, whatever _this_ is, to continue, in fact earlier he had made it clear that he is interested in more, but I couldn't come to terms with any of it. In my eyes, he is way out of my league, but yet I couldn't stop thinking about his words earlier… _I'd really like to continue this soon_ and that god damn wink.

"You have a bad habit of staring at people when you're thinking about them" Jax said without turning around to face me

"Yea well, you have given me a lot to think about"

"Have I now?", he replied as he turned, stepped on his cigarette and came to me, placing his hands on my hips

I smiled. I have to come love being this close to him. "Yes. You have. You also let me fall asleep for the entire day and I missed spending time in the sun"

"No regrets Darlin. You needed sleep." He lightly kissed my forehead. "We should get going though, it's getting late"

I nodded in agreement. By the time we got home it was around midnight and the house was quiet. It didn't go over my head that the only time in the past week I had gotten any sleep, nightmare free, was earlier today when I was with Jax. He had moved out of the house before I had moved in a few years ago but would stay the night sometimes when he wanted to get away from his apartment at the clubhouse. Jax shut off the car.

"So, you heading back to the clubhouse?" I asked shyly

"Nah it's late, I think I'll come inside" he winked at me.

"Yea okay" I responded. I hated how with one wink he can render me a blubbering idiot.

We went in the house quietly. Jax made a move to head towards the guest bedroom but compulsion took over and I grabbed his wrist.

"Actually Jax…" I took a breath, "…earlier today, when I fell asleep with you, that was the first time since the night in the hospital that I have slept. Actually slept, no nightmares." I let myself trail off hoping he would catch on.

"Say no more sweetheart" he said as he pulled me closer to him and into a hug. "I'm all yours". He bent his head down and our lips met. _Fire, again_. _God damn, why can't my ribs be healed._ Jax slowly bent down so that his arms were under my ass and lifted me carefully. I put my arms around his neck, never breaking our kiss. This chemistry that I felt was amazing, _He keeps kissing me so he must feel something too_. I have never felt so insecure around a man as I do now with Jax. _I need to get over it_. He carried me to my bedroom.

Once we were lying down in bed, neither of us were ready to fall asleep and finally we began to have a normal conversation. A conversation like before we were kidnapped, before things got complicated.

"So what, you'll be going back to school on Monday?" Jax asked and I could tell by his tone that he was interested in my answer.

"No I don't think so." I replied, "Gemma and I talked about it and I really don't want to go back. I have enough credits to graduate so I am just going to file for early graduation."

"Good for you Brooke. I know that was important for you to finish. So now what?"

"I dunno. I guess at some point I will move back into my parent's house. I'm sure it needs some work but its mine now…" I trailed off after that, lost in a thought. I was actually dreading the day I moved back into my parent's home. I know Gem and Clay would let me stay here as long as I wanted but a part of me knew it would be time soon to go 'home'. I shuddered a bit at the thought of living in that house alone.

"So you're staying in Charming then?" he asked, sounding almost surprised.

"Yea Jax, I mean I don't know where else I would go. You and SAMCRO are my family now. Gemma is my family and you all are the only ones I have. I don't want to lose you, any of you"

"Well I am certainly not complaining babe…" _He called me babe, that's new!_ He started stroking my hair again. I loved when he did that. _"…_ you gonna pick up some more time at TM? I could use something beautiful to look at during the day"

I blushed, he seriously just called me beautiful. "Yea I probably will" I replied looking up at him with a smile. I felt his hand move up my thigh and stomach under my shirt. He started to kiss my neck slowly, teasing me and sending a wave of lust through my body. He moved up my jawline, finding a sweet spot behind my ear. _God I could melt when he touches me_. Finally, after a long journey exploring me with both his hand and mouth, his lips met mine. Each other time we kissed it was a moment, but this time we were able to take our time with one another. He was being careful of my injury, but his hand moved from my stomach to my tit as he continued to explore my mouth with his tongue. He was laying half on my good side. His hand on my breast was almost enough to send me over the edge right there as he kept massaging it.

"We have to stop now because I don't want to hurt you and if we go any further I won't be able to stop" He said this in a whisper and with a look of lust in his eyes. I could feel through is pants how much he wanted to continue.

I softly dug my fingernails into the back of his neck, bringing my lips to meet his. "I'll be fine Jax" I whispered into his mouth

"No Darlin, I can't risk it with you being hurt. But you have definitely given me something to look forward to once your healed", he winked, again.

I chuckled. "Fine, but I am holding you to that" I said with a playful grin. This was finally starting to feel like something resembling normal. _Until I realize that he is in fact a gorgeous and bad ass biker._ This thought that popped into my head was enough to make me roll my eyes at myself. We spent a while longer talking about nothing before both of us could no longer stay awake. Again that night I slept peacefully and nightmare free.


	9. Chapter 9

Running is how I have always managed stress, even before my parents passed. Typically I would run along the outskirts of town, near where my old housed sits. It now looks like an old and creepy abandoned building, but to me it will always be filled with memories. There is a pond on the outer edge of the property that I spent a lot of time at. I would run there and spend a few minutes soaking up the morning sun rays; that is my definition of tranquility. I was not able to run yet due to my injuries, but I decided to drive out to my old home and make my way to the pond.

I pulled up to my old home and instantly was able to imagine it as it used to be, with beautifully painted sides and a well maintained lawn. The feelings of home flooded me but were quickly subdued by the painful memories that matched how the building looked now, cracked paint and overgrown grass. I parked the car in the driveway, and made my way towards the wooded edge of the property and ventured to the pond. The sun felt amazing on my skin, and again it took me out of the darkness that I have felt since the kidnapping. If I could pick a place to be my happy place, this would be it. A lot has been on my mind lately, with the kidnapping and Jax, but being here helped to quiet my mind and in the moment, it is what I needed most.

I got to TM the following Wednesday after meeting with the counselor at school. I had requested and applied for early graduation and was told everything looks good and that my diploma should be mailed soon. _Well that's done. Good riddance,_ I thought with a sigh of relieve.

Gemma was sitting at the office desk, glasses half down her nose, looking over a stack of paperwork. This job wasn't glamorous or particularly interesting, but it made me feel closer the club, to the family. I cherished that feeling and that is why I decided I want to stay. Gemma finally noticed I had entered the room.

"Mornin sweetheart. How did the meeting go at school?"

"It went well. Everything is all set and my diploma will be sent out in the mail soon. I'm finally done"

"Good for you Brooke. Welcome to the real world now" she said with a raised eyebrow, typical Gemma. I knew that finishing school was important to her, but I also knew that she more or less thought it was waste of time in the long run. I chuckled at her half- hearted attempt at a congratulations.

She took off her glasses and pushed the stack of papers aside. "You got home late the other night, did Jax sleep at the house?" _Why is she bringing this up now, its been days!_

"Yea he did, he said he didn't want to go back to the clubhouse"

"I heard his bike leave the driveway in the morning, but the guest bedroom looked like it hadn't been touched" She said this half as a question and half as an assumption that I would provide some sort of explanation. _Great, she's been sitting on some type of theory._

"Oh yea? He must have slept on the couch then, or maybe he made the bed?"

"You and I both know he didn't make the bed. I don't know why he would have slept on the couch, but maybe you're right" She said this, but I knew that she didn't buy it. I looked away because I didn't want to have to try and lie. I am not sure what she was getting at exactly, but I didn't want to find out. "Some guys from the other charters are coming in tonight" she continued, "I am going to run some errands to get ready, can you keep an eye on the office?"

"Of course Gem, let me know if you need any help for tonight too."

"Thanks sweetheart" She said as she grabbed her purse, put on her sunglasses, and went out the door.

I sighed a deep breath. I don't know why that interaction made me so nervous, or why the thought of Gemma finding out Jax slept in my bed that night made me bubble with anxiety but it did. _I am sure she will have a lot to say about it_.

"Hey, how'd the thing at the school go this morning?" I head Jax from behind me and jumped a little because I didn't hear him come into the office. I turned around to see him in his TM clothes and partially covered in oil. _Yep, still hot even when he's a mess_.

"Jesus you scared me" I took a breath. "It went good, I am officially done."

"That's great babe. One less thing to worry about eh?"

"Yea I am just glad I don't have to deal with anyone there again. I have to call Ava though, I haven't even told her what happened yet".

I felt guilty as I said it because I had been trying not to think about it. Ava was my best and only friend my own age and I usually tell her everything. But how do you tell a "normal" eighteen-year-old that you've been kidnapped by a rival gang, made out with your partner-in-kidnapping who happens to be an insanely hot biker, and have been all but bedridden since due to a slight brain bleed and some broken ribs. I have no fucking clue how to approach that conversation, so I chose to avoid instead. I sent her a text message saying I have mono and left it at that.

"Good luck with that" he chuckled, "I've met her, she's feisty".

He wasn't wrong. Her reaction could be one of two. 1) Fireclay protecting and out for blood (although it would be all talk of course because really, she has no idea how this world works. Not to mention I could never tell her even a portion of the real reason we were kidnapped.) or 2) Pissed at me for lying. I'm willing to bet that option 2 is more likely at this point. We don't lie to each other. Period.

"Yea…" I trailed. "She's not the only one who is feisty, Gemma is suspicious of something but I don't know what exactly she is thinking. She knows you slept at the house the other night, but she saw that the guest room hadn't been slept in. I suggested you slept on the couch, but she didn't seem to buy it. You know her though, she won't drop it."

"Eh, I'm not worried about my mom. If she finds out, she finds out. Not the end of the world"

I blushed when he shrugged it off so easily. I figured that he would want to keep this hidden for as long as possible because I know that the guys will give him a hard time for it. I am young and like family to all of them, I know he will take some heat for it and I am sure he knows too. "You mean that Jax? I thought that you would want to keep this a secret for longer?".

"I am not ashamed of being with you Brooke. I don't think anyone was expecting this. Hell, I know I wasn't, but I am certainly not ashamed. You are beautiful inside and out, and you are strong and smart and loyal to this family. The only reason why I would want to keep it quiet for a bit longer is because it is new, and I can tell you are still uncomfortable with it. Am I right?"

He wasn't wrong, and I don't know why I was feeling that way. Embarrassment I guess, not of him, God no, he's perfect. But embarrassment of myself, my own insecurities. "I am not ashamed of being with you either Jax, that's not it at all. This is so unexpected, and I just need time to adjust I guess." I stopped myself before I began to ramble.

"Nothing wrong with that darlin. Besides, I could use some more time with you to myself before the others make a big deal about it." He grinned and walked over to me, placing his hand on my hip. We were just out of view of the window so no one in the garage could see us. He kissed me lightly on my lips and stroked his hand down my back before resting it just above my ass. The kissed lasted a moment before he pulled away, it was simple and sweet.

"Now we just need to figure out a way to explain me sleeping with you every night" He said.

"What? Jax I can't expect you do to that. I need to get over it and be fine on my own." My voice trailed as I said that because I knew that would be much easier said than done.

"You need to be able to sleep" he responded, "And if it takes sleeping with me to not have nightmares than that's what we will do".

He wasn't wrong. I had had the same nightmares each night since he last slept with me. I could tell by the tone of his voice that arguing with him would do me no good though. But I knew that sleeping with him would be a band aid and that I needed to overcome this on my own. Its not the first time that nightmares haunted my sleep each night. The same happened after my parents died, and after awhile they stopped. I was sure these would stop too.

He was staring at me, expecting a response, but I did not know what to give him. The idea of sleeping beside him every night was the stuff dreams are made of, but I also knew that it wasn't realistic, especially since I am living with Gemma. Eventually I would be sleeping in that big, empty house that I now owned, and I have to be okay with being alone. Jax could tell I was lost in thought so he interrupted, "I am going out for a smoke, come out with me and maybe tell me what these nightmares are like? It might help you to talk about things"

I shrugged and mumbled an 'okay'. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about them, but I followed him nonetheless. _At this point I would probably follow him off the side of a building_. I rolled my eyes at myself as I took a seat next to him on one of the picnic tables. Jax lit a cigarette and took a few long drags. I knew that he was waiting for me to talk. That is one thing about him, he never pushes me to talk and instead just waits. Waits for me to be ready. _Do this and get it over with because he is not going to let it go._

"The nightmares, they are exactly like what happened in that basement. A lot of dark, like when we were blindfolded. I am surrounded by men in masks and there is pain. That's about it Jax, just a nightly reminder of being down there".

"I am so sorry Brooke. You were kidnapped and that is on me"

"Its not on you Jax, it's on them" I tried reassuring him, knowing that it wasn't doing much good. I could tell he was thinking hard about something because he was taking extra time pulling drags off his cigarette and his brow was slightly furrowed. His thought was interrupted by Chibs approaching us and taking a seat next to Jax.

Chibs looked at me with kind eyes and asked, "How're you feelin?"

"I'm doing much better now. And thank you for being there that day, seriously"

I hadn't been filled in on much of the details about why we were kidnapped, or even how we were rescued. Jax had just told me that when the Mayans got what they wanted from Clay, SAMCRO was given the location where we were being held. Apparently it had been some abandoned building somewhere between Charming and Oakland. When they got there, they found us tied in the basement and I was unconscious.

"Of course lass. I am just sorry we couldn't have gotten you back sooner." I saw a glimpse of pain in his face before he chuckled a bit, "I didn't think you'd remember much of the van ride to the hospital. Thought you were out cold".

"I think I was for most of the trip and I couldn't get my eyes open. But I could hear you, you and Jax". I playfully swatted at Chib's arm before jumping from the table and giving him a big hug. "You saved me, so thank you"

"Aye little lady. Don't think anything of it." He replied with a smile as we pulled apart and I sat back down on the picnic table.

Jax and Chibs finished their cigarettes as we talked about the incoming charters and the party that was bound to happen tonight, despite it being a Wednesday. Jax played it cool as we sat with Chibs, making no indication that moments before we were kissing in the office. _Thank god one of us has some chill_. I noticed a couple of lingering looks and as he got up from the table his fingertip touched mine and stayed there until he moved away, both actions completely calculated and executed perfectly. Chibs was none the wiser. _Damn it, why does he have to be so smooth._ We went back to work, the guys in the garage and me in the office wanting to feel more of his touch. _Yep, I think some tequila with Piney is exactly what I need tonight._


	10. Chapter 10

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p style="max-height: 999999px;"span style="font-weight: bold;"Thank you all for the reads, follows and reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm still getting used to writing for other people! Enjoy./span/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"As the day went on more and more bikes began to fill the TM lot. I finished up the work I needed to get done, helped Gem get the food and beer taken care of, and went home to change. This wasn't my first SAMCRO party and I knew exactly what to expect. Drinking, lots of drinking, pool, probably a fight or two in the ring, and the space to be filled with many bikers and just as any girls. I liked going to the parties and usually enjoyed myself. emTonight should be interesting though/em… I have come to know how the guys are at these parties and, emunfortunately/em, Jax wasn't an exception, and would typically end the night with a croweater. This had never bothered me in the past because I never had a reason for it to. Tonight though, I am interested to see how he behaves when one of the girls tries to make a move on him. Not only is he hot, but he is the VP of the charter, making him an even bigger target and prize for the girls. There is no doubt in my mind at least one would attempt to have her night end with him, but the bigger question in my mind was how would he respond to her offer?/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"I spent longer choosing my outfit than I normally would have. I wanted something that would keep Jax's eyes on me, without making the other guys notice that I was dressing up for something in particular. I settled for ripped jeans with fishnets underneath that rose above the pants to just over my belly button. The shirt I chose was a black crop top tee that fell a few inches below the bottom of my boobs. The outfit was casual but showed enough skin in all the right places to, emhopefully/em, keep Jax's eyes on me tonight. emIs this really what I am doing now, dressing to compete with some croweater who may try for Jax's attention. /emAnother self- inflicted eye roll as I was putting on my shoes and began to head out the door./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"I pulled into TM and the party was already in full swing. Rock music was blaring and encompassing the entire lot. Bobby was working the huge grill that was just outside the clubhouse and I said hello to him with a quick hug as I passed by. Some of the men from different charters I didn't know or barely recognized from a previous meeting. A few I knew better than others, depending on how much time they have spent with SAMCRO over the past few years. Tig was the first to approach me as I entered the room./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Hey pretty lady" as he put his arm around my neck, "This look works for you" he finished as he gave me a wink./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"I playfully rolled my eyes at him before thanking him and moving forward into the clubhouse. I didn't spot Jax anywhere but found Piney and Ope sitting at the bar, Piney with his usually bottle of Patron placed in front of him. I decided to join the father-son duo./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Care to share?" I asked Piney with a grin. Tequila is my favorite drink as well, a common interest we have bonded over on more than one occasion./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Of course darlin" Piney answered as he gestured to the croweater behind the bar to get another shot glass. Once the drink was poured we downed a shot, and then two more each. Drinking is something that I have been able to get away with in the clubhouse since I turned seventeen. emYou've been through some shit and as long as your safe when your drinking I'm not going to stop you/em is what Gemma said to me on my birthday that year. I try not to turn to alcohol to drown my thoughts in, but I would be lying if occasionally it didn't feel damn good to forget. Talking to Piney and Opie was effortless and felt like I was talking to a dad and a brother. We joked and chatted for a while and I didn't even notice when Jax exited Church with Clay and a President and VP of another charter./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"By the time Jax approached me at the bar where I was sitting, I was feeling happily buzzed and having a really good time. He smiled at me as he approached, and I could not hold back the huge smile that spread across my fine. I felt like throwing my arms around him but quickly snapped back to reality. emKeep it together woman/em./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Piney, you been feeding shots to her again?"/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Eh" the older man scoffed, "Nothin more than she can handle."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"I stood up and stumbled slightly while dismounting my barstool. emThe floor came up quicker than I expected/em, and I chuckled at my own thought./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I don't know about that Piney" Jax joked as he playfully jabbed me in the arm with an elbow./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I'm just fine thank you" I asserted. And I was fine, feeling really great actually. I was more confident with Jax than I had been since before the kidnapping. "Wanna play some pool?" I asked him./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Sure" he smiled at me and I noticed his eyes move from my own, down to where my shirt ended, and my bare stomach began. emI was right about this outfit at least./em/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"As we got to the pool table, Jax stood painfully close to me as I leaned against the table and whispered in my ear as he was racking the balls, "Don't think I'm not noticing how sexy you look in that outfit darlin"./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"I felt a surge of confidence as he said that and for once my face wasn't set on fire and I was not left a blubbering idiot, emAlcohol is helpful sometimes./em "I was hoping you would Jackson" I responded with a flirty smile. Thank god no one was close enough to the table to hear this interaction./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""You dressed up for me darlin? "/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Just for you" I responded as I pushed off the pool table and walked the short distance to grab a cue. emI hope he is staring at my ass/em. I grabbed a cue and turned around, emOh yea, he definitely was. /emThe thought made me grin as I watched his eyes move back up to meet mine. He returned my grin and asked if I wanted to break./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The game went as expected and I lost. I couldn't help but notice as we were playing that a few of the croweaters had already set their sights on Jax. emThis should be amusing/em I thought and went back to the bar after the game was finished. As soon as I left him, I saw a girl approach him and put he arm around his neck. I watched from the bar as he spoke with her, keeping his hands by his side and looking bored. I couldn't hear what was being said but the interaction ended with her removing her arms and backing away as he kissed her on the cheek before walking outside. emOne down, /emI thought. emAnd leave it to Jax to turn down a girl all the while continuing his Casanova act. /emI was sure that wouldn't be the last attempt of the night. It filled me with happiness and justification that he had turned down the opportunity to sleep with the girl. Maybe he really was serious about us. I smiled and took another shot. This was a good night./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"I paid a little less attention to what Jax was doing throughout the night after that. Partly because I was having too much fun taking shots and laughing my ass with Tig and Chibs, and partly because I realized I trusted him. I mean I have always trusted him, with my life even, but this is a new kind of trust. A trust that stemmed from the fact that I knew that I was starting to give him more and more of myself./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"After a few hours, Tig and Chibs had moved on to find their croweaters for the night and I went outside to find Jax. emI need to figure out a way to get him alone somewhere. Wow, this alcohol is really boosting that confidence girl/em. I found him sitting on one of the picnic tables with Opie, drinking a beer, and watching Happy and a guy I didn't recognize fight in the ring. I took a seat between the two men and began to watch the fight. I didn't really understand the draw to fighting, but it was still captivating in the moment. I watched for a bit with the two brothers, and fell easily into conversation with them./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Come with me for a minute babe" Jax whispered in my ear, jumping off the table and walking back inside the clubhouse./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"I turned to Opie, gave a shrug to say goodbye, and followed Jax inside. He walked through the clubhouse and down the hall towards the dorms. Nobody inside was paying any attention at this point, so I followed without hesitation. Jax dropped down the ladder that goes onto the roof and I knew immediately why he wanted me to follow. The roof of the clubhouse is where Jax goes to think, to be alone. emThis will be our only chance to be alone tonight/em. Butterflies immediately filled my stomach./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"I climbed up the ladder as Jax reached for my hand when I approached the top. The night air was cool and crisp but the flow of alcohol through my body made it so I remained warm. There was a full moon and it was beautiful. We could hear the party happening below, but it was private and intimate here./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""You cold?" Jax asked./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""No I'm fine" I respond but turned towards him and settled into his arms. We stood there for a few moments, admiring the moon without saying anything./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I saw you…" I interrupted the quiet, "…with that girl earlier. I saw you turn her down." I don't know why I felt like I had to mention it, but it came out without much thought./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Jax laughed a little, "Yea, and?" I could feel him hold me just a little tighter./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Just surprising is all, that you would choose to not spend the night with one of those girls at a party like this. You goin soft or something Teller?" I jokingly asked./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"He grabbed my hips and swung me around and I saw a smile fire in his eyes. "Why the hell would I want to be with one of those girls when I can be with you? Look at you right now Brooke…" He looked me up and down before continuing, "…You really don't know how gorgeous you are do you?"/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"He didn't wait for an answer before grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me into a passionate kiss. I couldn't help but let out a soft moan into his lips. emThis will never get old/em. He gently picked me up and sat me on the large ledge of the rooftop. He stood between my legs, running his hand over my thighs and moving his fingers through the holes in my fishnets. His touch on my bare skin set me on fire, combined with the alcohol flowing though my body, and finally my brain was able to shut off. No longer was I overthinking each of my moves and I was able to feel open to him for the first time. He continued to kiss, to explore each other with our hands for what seemed like hours./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Ah shit sweetheart, your ribs, they're still not healed"/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I'm fine Jax, seriously. They haven't given me any trouble in days. I want this Jax, I want you. Now."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"His eyes gleamed and he gave me a knowing smile. He grabbed my hand and let me back to the ladder and climbed down first. I followed and noticed that the hallway was empty, although the sounds of the party in full swing could still be heard from the clubhouse. Undetected we went into Jax's apartment, where he shut and locked the door behind us. As soon as we were in the room, he picked me up and pressed me against the back of the door. I loved the way he so easily took control of the situation, of me. He carried me over to the bed and gently placed me down, not breaking contact. He removed my shirt and took a minute to look at my half-undressed body./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Brooke, you really are gorgeous." He bent down to suck on my exposed nipple before continuing, "Perfect"./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"He stopped to strip off his kutte and his shirt. I ran my hands over his toned body admired the view as he hovered over me. I reached up and cupped his face, craving more of the taste of his lips. He continued to kiss my lips and neck while I wriggled out of my pants, left only in a black and lacy bra and underwear. I could feel that Jax wanted me as much as I wanted him which made my lust grow even more, and I found myself moaning his name as he kissed down my stomach./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The night was mind blowing. Having sex with Jax was everything that I expected to be and more. He knew what I wanted and what I needed but was gentle and soft. There was nothing rushed when we were together, and I felt that it was about more than just sex. After the third time we were both exhausted and fell asleep, and I woke up next to him in the morning feeling safe. I looked over to Jax, still asleep with his blonde hair flowing around his face. Every insecure feeling and self doubt I had previously felt had diminished and I felt ready. Ready to be his./p  
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	11. Chapter 11

**Hey there amazing readers! Thank you to each person who has commented! I have never shared any of my writing before so each review inspires me to write more. And thank you to those who have given me new ideas or perspectives to think about as I go!**

 **Enjoy this chapter, some light smut is included ;)**

Leaving Jax in the dorm room, I got dressed in some of his sweatpants and a SAMCRO t shirt and went into the main clubhouse. _Coffee_ … The room was littered with club members and half naked women. I navigated my way to the kitchen area to make some coffee. As I rounded the corner I bumped into someone with a thud.

"Opie, Jesus… Sorry! I didn't even notice you standing there"

"Its okay. You slept here last night?" He asked, "That's new" he added with a raised eyebrow.

 _Oh shit_ , I had to think of something to say before I looked like an idiot, standing there speechless. "Oh yea, I was pretty drunk and ended up getting sick, so Jax let me stay in his dorm."

"Sick huh? You seemed fine when Jax brought you inside" he trailed.

"Yea well I took a few more shots when we came back inside, and it was downhill from there" I laughed, trying to sell my lie.

"Mhm" was his only response as he continued to look at me. Opie knew me too well, like Jax does, and could probably tell that I wasn't being honest. _Whatever_ I thought. I knew he wouldn't push me any further. I made my cup of coffee and sat down outside with Opie, making conversation about the party the night before and the highlights from the ring. As I finished my cup of coffee, Jax emerged from inside and took a seat with us at the picnic table.

I have always enjoyed spending time with Jax and Opie together. I admired their friendship and the bond that they share because of the club. Listening to them bullshit back and forth has always been a highlight of my time spent with the club over the last few years. After some lighter conversation, Jax told Opie that Clay wants Church in half an hour.

"Alright man thanks. I should go check on Donna before then."

After Opie left Jax turned to me and said, "That look works for you babe" with a smile. I had forgotten that I was wearing his clothes until he said something. He continued, "Last night was…

"Yea, I know" I said with a grin. I ran my fingers through my hair and began to feel shy again. I never imagined that I would be with Jax the way that I was with him last night, fully. Surprisingly, something felt really right about it and I honestly couldn't not wait to do it again.

Jax moved over so that he could whisper in my ear, an unnecessary touch because no one was around, but the feel of him close to me sent a shiver throughout my body. "Church ain't gonna last too long this morning. Lets make an excuse to get out of here after"

I caught his gaze with my eyes and watched as he licked his bottom lip. _So fucking sexy_. "I'd really like that Jax" I agreed, biting my lip to tease him back.

He moved to increase the distance between us before saying, "Leave the lying part up to me though, you suck at it"

I rolled my eyes, "Yea, yea. So I have been told. Opie knew I was lying this morning too."

"Bout what?" he asked.

"About why I stayed here last night. I told him I got sick and you let me stay. He didn't push me on it but I could tell he knew something was up"

"Ope is the last person you need to lie to anyways, he's not going to give a shit"

"Yea maybe," I said, "but that is a conversation I will leave you to have with him"

"You sayin that you're okay with telling people now? About us?" He asked, seemingly looking pleased.

"Yea I think I am. Its going to be weird, having to deal with everyone's opinions. But I think I'm not as concerned with it now"

He grinned one of his flirty grins, "And what's changed since yesterday darlin?"

This made me smile, _finally a chance to catch you off guard Teller._ I hopped off the table and looked around to make sure no one was watching us. I stepped in between his legs and leaned into him and quietly said "Oh I don't know, maybe because we fucked multiple times last night. Something about the way you continuously moaned my name was a self confidence booster". I stepped back and loved the way he looked at me; like he was impressed by my bold statement and like he wanted me right there on the picnic table.

"I need to go home to change and Ill be back for work. Let me know when you're done church?" I asked backing away from him to head towards my car.

"Definitely Darlin. I'm gonna need to do that errand sooner rather than later" He said with a wink and I saw a few of the guys coming out of the clubhouse. _Nice cover_.

I waved to Tig and Bobby who had come out for a smoke, got into my car, and left the lot. I went home and changed but decided to keep Jax's clothes, _that look works for you babe,_ his statement rang in my ears and I couldn't help but smile. Gemma had already left the house for the day, so I assumed I would meet her upon returning to the garage, and I was right. It was about an hour after I returned that Jax came from the club house and immediately into the office.

"Mum, I gotta borrow Brooke for a bit. Hales has his suspicions about her injuries and how they happened. Unser's gonna take the lead so the questioning shouldn't be too bad"

"He shouldn't be questioning shit" Gemma said defensively "We told the hospital everything that happened, she fell down the stairs"

"Yea well, Hales just trying to dig shit up with SAMCRO. Brooke, if you stick to the story you will be fine. Lets go"

"Okay" I replied simply, _The less lying the better_. I didn't know where Jax planned to go, or if he had a plan, but I decided the car could come in handy. "Hey can we take my car, my ribs have been hurting a bit today and I don't feel like riding"

"You said you've been fine for days, did something happen?" Gem asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I think I just slept on them wrong last night. It's nothing I can't handle"

"Okay darlin. Let me know if you need some more pain killers" She said as she kissed me on the forehead. "And be careful with Hale"

"I know Gem" as I turned towards the door to follow Jax, who was already half out of the office.

"That actually wasn't such a bad job lying" Jax joked with a grin as he started the car.

"I'm working on it" I said with a chuckle. "And I figured the car might be helpful to have"

"Oh, I think it will be" he said with a grin.

Jax drove us to a secluded lake on the edge of town. I recognized this place instantly. It was the pond, my spot, on the edge of my parents property, _My property now, I guess._ I had just been up here a few days ago, but it seemingly became more beautiful since the last time I was here. Maybe it was the way the sun was hitting the water, or maybe it was the fact that everything seemed more illuminated whenever I was around Jax.

Jax stopped the car, turned to me, and cupped the side of my face before crashing his lips into mine. It felt like he had been waiting all day to kiss me and I loved feeling how much he wanted me. I pulled away and climbed over the seat into the back. With a grin that looked like a child's, Jax followed and landed on the seat beside me. Almost instantly our hands were on each other, removing clothing feeling every inch.

He kissed down my neck and torso, stopping at each of my breasts as he teased my nipples with his tongue. Wanting to feel more of him on more of me, I moved so that I was sitting on his lap, straddling him with his back pressed against the seat. I ran my fingers through his hair as I kissed him and I felt him moan into my mouth. I shifted slightly so I could remove him from his tightening boxers and moved my black lacy thong to the side. Painfully slow, I lowered myself onto him and watched him lean his head back into the seat. Suddenly he grabbed my ass and pulled me forward into him, passionately kissing me as he set the pace for our movements. _I love how he takes control_. The experience was euphoric, and if I could have had him like this all day, I would have. I felt the pressure inside myself building as I began to shudder around him. As if he could sense my own relief, he let go as well and together we collapsed into an exhausted heap. Not moving, I rested my head on his shoulder and he kissed my temple. We stayed this way for a few minutes as we collected ourselves, before heading back to reality.

We pulled back up to TM and Jax placed a gentle kiss on my temple before getting out of my car. I took a minute to make sure my hair was in place and my clothes were on right before joining Gemma back in the office.

"How'd it go?" she asked, peering over the top of her glasses.

"Oh, it was fine. Unser kept it simple and quick" I replied, "I told him the same thing we told the hospital"

"Good girl" she said, turning her focus back to the paperwork she was looking over.

I spent the rest of the day working at TM and letting my mind drift to the events of earlier in the day. Sneaking around was actually kind of exciting but I knew it wasn't a good idea to keep it a secret. I made a plan to speak with Jax later that night and have "the talk". The thought of myself as an 'Old Lady' popped into my head and made me freeze. _That is a title I seriously never thought I would have._ The more I thought about that the more anxious I became. Not to say that I didn't already feel apart of the family, because I did, but _Old Lady_ came with a lot of expectations that I was unsure if I was ready or would be able to fill.


	12. Chapter 12

**Welcome back! Thank you again to every reader and everyone who reviews! I have set the goal for myself to be better at responding to each individual review. I want to show appreciation for the reviews because they make all the difference to me!**

 **I had a really fun time writing this chapter, despite it being shorter than some previous chapters. The relationship between Brooklyn and Ava is strongly based on the relationship between myself and my best friend of 22 years. Reflecting on the dynamics of our relationship made this chapter really exciting to write. Enjoy :)**

Jax ended up having to do some club business until later, _Welp, there goes that plan_ I thought with a self-inflicted eye roll. I actually wasn't all that disappointed as I had spent the afternoon feeling nauseous from the anxiety that came with having the talk with Jax about _us._ The feeling that we were in our own bubble was comforting and I wasn't sure I was ready to pop it yet. _Who am I kidding, sneaking around like this is ridiculous._ Going between these two thoughts had consumed most of my afternoon and I was drained.

The next morning was Friday, and I decided to ask Gemma if I could take the day off from the garage. This served two purposes, 1. I would be able to avoid Jax, and hopefully avoid the anxiety that came along with that, and 2. I really missed Ava and needed a girl's day with her. Gemma didn't hesitate to agree to the day off and I immediately called Ava who answered on the first ring.

"Well Miss Too Cool For School, thanks for finally calling" she said although I could picture her grinning on the other end.

"I know Ava, I am sorry. I have just been….busy. But can you skip today? I got the day off from work and was thinking we could go into San Francisco?"

"Is that even a question? Of course. Pick me up in half an hour?"

I chuckled at her enthusiasm, "Yea I will see you then."

I got dressed and a half an hour later I pulled up to Ava's house and honked the horn. She was in many ways my polar opposite, with blonde hair and blue eyes and an outgoing and ever positive personality. We have been friends since first grade and although we are different in so many ways, we have always just clicked and have been inseparable since the day we met. She flew out of her door, almost clumsily, with her overflowing bag in one hand and her hair held up in the other. I watched, amused, as she struggled to open the door like this.

"Do you have a hair tie? I swear to god I buy a new pack every week and never have any!"

"Why are you like this?" I tease. "Look in the glovebox".

She found what she was looking for and skillfully put her hair into a purposefully messy bun. This is another thing that is vastly different between us, Ava has an innate ability to make herself look gorgeous without trying hard. I on the other hand, typically have to put in a lot of effort to achieve the look I am going for. Once she has primped her hair into place, we begin the roughly two hour drive to San Francisco.

Ava caught me up on all the happenings at school and it felt great to hear normal, teenager gossip. It also felt great to be with her again, it had been way to long. I would tell her about Jax at some point today, leaving out of course the whole kidnapping ordeal. I knew that I had a considerable amount of time to decide how to approach the topic though, because the thing about Ava is that she has no issues taking over most conversations. This is probably another reason why our friendship is so strong, she is a great talker while I am a great listener.

"… and then she said that the reason she hasn't been talking to me is because she's been 'too busy'. Too busy my ass, she just can't get over the fact that I am dating Colby. God I miss you, why did you have to leave me?"

 _I swear this girl can seamlessly move from topic to topic without taking a breath._

"I know, I'm sorry Ava. I had just missed so much work already and I had enough credits to graduate early. It seemed like the best option." I explained.

"I know I know, but I just feel like a part of me is missing since you left, ya know?" she smiled over at me. _Dramatic as always, but I love it._

"Are you sure you're not just upset about having to deal with Ella by yourself?" Ella was once our best friend as well, until recently when her and Ava had gotten into a fight and she had distanced herself.

"That may be part of it" she mused. "Anyways, what has been new with you?"

"Well…" I started, deciding to just jump right in and get it over with, "…about that. You know Jax?

"B, are you joking? Obviously. Blonde haired, blue eyed God who is basically sex on legs. Yes I know Jax"

"Yea, him and I are kind of dating." I blurted out quickly and was responded too by a silence that was unusual for Ava. "Well, dating might be a stretch at this point. Sleeping together may be more accurate" I continued and couldn't help but chuckle as I look at the expression on her face.

After a moment she managed to say, "Two questions, how the hell did that happen? And what is he like in bed? Oh, who am I kidding, he is amazing isn't he?"

We both busted out in laughter. I filled her in on the happenings of the past few weeks, changing details to match the 'I got mono' story, as opposed to the 'I got kidnapped' one. I spared few details on the amazing past few times Jax and I were intimate, much to her appreciation.

"Wow" Ava exhaled, "That sounds fantastic. So other than sex, which clearly is amazing, how is the relationship between the two of you?"

I had been thinking of the answer to this question myself over the past few days. I looked at Jax differently now. He was no longer a big brother type figure, but rather someone that I was slowly developing more and more feelings for. I was attracted to him of course, and probably always had been to some degree. At the core of our expanding relationship though, it remained the same and that is that we are friends. I still considered him to be one of my best friends.

"We are friends Ava, we always have been. Now we are just exploring and expanding on that. I like him a lot, and I trust him. It makes me nervous and excited to see what we will become next."

She looked over at me and smiled, "As long as you are happy, I am happy for you!"

It felt good to tell someone, even though I knew Ava would be the easiest person to tell. We went back to gossiping for the rest of the car ride. Once we got into the city, we had lunch at a quaint Brazilian restaurant near Lower Haight. I used to come into San Francisco often with my parents and remember coming to this restaurant on several occasions. Being here again brought back memories that I hadn't thought of in a long time.

Sometime during lunch, I had an unsettling thought enter into my mind, _Oakland and the Mayans are just across the bridge_. Thoughts of the kidnapping and of masked men rushed into my mind but I quickly had to push them back. _If we stay in the areas where tourist frequent, I should be fine. Right?_ Plus, I knew I couldn't live the rest of my life in fear, I had to move on at some point. _I probably should have at least told Jax I was coming here today._ Ava snapped me out of my circling thoughts.

"Where should we spend the rest of the day?" She asked.

I quickly spat out the most touristy thing I could think of, "Hey, we haven't taken the ferry out to Alcatraz since that field trip in 6th grade. Let's do it!"

"Really?" She responded, "I was thinking something that would involve a little more shopping."

"Come on Ava!" I almost pleaded, "I love being out on the water. Besides, the tours they give with the headphones are cool. Also, you know I hate shopping." _Eye roll, like she cares that I despise shopping, she still drags me along._

"Fine, but you owe me a trip to Lodi to go to the mall soon!"

I nod and we make our way out of the restaurant. We spent the rest of the day exploring Alcatraz and pretending to be tourists visiting from the East Coast. Ava was successful in her New York accent, me not so much. By the time we got back to Charming it was late and I decided to spend the night at her house. I hadn't realized how much I missed her over the past few weeks and spending the day with her was just what I needed. Telling her about Jax and I was therapeutic too and calmed a lot of my anxiety. _I think I am ready to tell everyone else now, or at least have Jax them._ I chuckle and this is my last thought before drifting off to sleep.


	13. Authors Note

Hello everyone! I don't know how to apologize enough to the readers who had invested time into reading my story for my year long hiatus. Honestly, I lost inspiration in the writing after hitting a bit of a writers block. But I am back now and if readers are still interested I would love to continue with this story. And to any new readers, welcome!  
I have also begun writing on Wattpad and this story is now located there as well. I have the next two chapters written and have posted them. Please share any thoughts or comments you have as all input is helpful to me as I continue to write!

I am currently deciding weather to continue along with this story line, focused on Brooklyn and Jax, or if I want to include a time jump with major changes in focus. It would be a "Part Two" if I chose to do this and would likely come after chapter 14 or 15. Another _Authors Note_ will be included when I have made this decision!

Enjoy :)


	14. Chapter 13

I woke up just before dawn to another nightmare. I could barely breath and was sweating and shaking. I really did not want to wake up Ava because I would have to explain to her what was wrong with me which would involve lying to her about why I was having the nightmare to begin with. _Not worth the trouble_.  
I begin to find my way out to the back deck to get some fresh air. The walk to the door seems painfully long as I still feel as though my airway is being tightened. Finally I reach my destination and the cool air is a welcome feeling on my skin. I take three elongated breaths and begin to feel better. _Jesus, this shit could stop any time now_. I almost call Jax, but think better of it because he would probably insist on coming to pick me up. I end up staying outside far past sunrise until I hear movement that I assume to be Ava's parents inside the house. I sneak back in through the sliding door and into Ava's bedroom undetected. I was calmer now but I knew that I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep so I opt to read while I wait for Ava to wake up.

It is almost three hours before she even starts to move and I have finished a quarter of the book that I picked up. I love this girl to death but she loves her beauty rest and even on a day when I am not woken up at four AM with a nightmare, I get up way before her. I make the decision then that I am ready to go home so I nudge Ava awake just enough to tell her I am leaving and that I will text her later. She mumbles something incoherent and goes back to sleep.

Since it is almost nine by this point, I head right to work at TM. As I pull into the lot, I notice that not even half the bikes are parked in their usual spots and that Jax's is one that is missing. When I get to the office, Gemma is already there and working with her glasses perched halfway up her nose.

"Good Morning Gem"

"Mornin' sweetheart. How was Ava's?"

"Great! It was really nice to see her. Where is everyone this morning?" I ask.

"Oh they had to make an unexpected run to Indian Hills and meet with Jury. Should be back sometime tomorrow"

"Oh okay". I reply and busy myself with some filing. I can't help but feel annoyed that Jax left the state without even a text to tell me he was going. Granted, I didn't tell him that I was going into the city yesterday, but at least I had let him know that I would be spending time with Ava. Now he is off on a two day run and I had not heard from him since yesterday morning. All sentiments that I had been feeling about 'Us' I was starting to question. It may just be me, but when you are in a relationship with someone, you tell them when you are leaving for two days. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all.

I had been weary of becoming an 'Old Lady' because of the rules that came along with the title. For starters many of the older members had no interest in including their Old Ladies in on club business and the woman were just expected to be in the dark. Clearly that isn't going to work for me. I don't need to know details but I do believe that I have been part of the family for long enough already that I can handle at least a portion of the truth. Secondly, the _what happens on a run stays on a run_ thing. That's just bullshit. Runs rarely last more than a few days so there is just no need for it. I roll my eyes at this and notice that I have been staring at the same piece of paper for about ten minutes. Gemma noticed too.

"What's got you distracted?" she asks with a raised eyebrow.

Now is definitely not the time to be telling Gemma about Jax and I. "I had a nightmare last night and was up before dawn this morning. Just tired is all."

"That been happening a lot?" she asks.

 _Only when I am unable to sleep with your son._ "On and off since the kidnapping yeah".

"Alright. Let me see if I can find some sleeping pills. I am sure one of these guys must have some. We will see if those help."

"Yeah okay. Thank you Gem".

The day drags on for what seems like forever. I am exhausted by the time I make it home. I still haven't heard from Jax, which makes me even more irritable. Gemma has invited me to go shopping with her, something about needing stuff for dinner when the guys return. I decide to stay home instead though because between my being tired and my annoyance with whole club run thing, I am less than pleasurable to be around.

I really don't want to sound or be needy, which is why I haven't reached out to him. I understand that club business will always be a priority but why the radio silence? The more I think about it the more angry I become so I decide to take steps to forget. I hop in my car and head back to the clubhouse. When I get there, I find Piney holding down the fort, although it looks like he has been asleep for hours. There are also a few hang arounds and some Croweaters but other than that the place is quiet. I grab a half full bottle of Tequila off the shelf and head to Jax's dorm. I also make sure to text Gemma to let her know that I left for the night without providing too much detail.

 _I need this_ is what I tell myself as I take the first few sips of the vile liquid. _Alcohol, check._ I start playing my my music from my IPod loudly through my earphones. _Loud music, check._ As I keep sipping the alcohol, I can feel my body loosen and my mind start to become freer. I take one last long swig and flop back onto the bed with my music still playing at full blast. Somehow I am able to fall asleep like this and surprisingly I make it through the night without nightmares.

"Brooke? Is that you? What the hell are you doing here?" I hear Gemma ask as I groggily open my eyes the next morning. My IPod had died and my earphones had fallen out.

"What time is it?" I ask, noticing the sun is brightly shining, _too brightly._

 _"_ Its past ten. Why are you here Brooklyn?"

"I..." finding the now empty bottle of tequila I hold it up, "...I needed this." As I sit up a wave of nausea rolls over me and I rush to the bathroom emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

"I would lecture you but it sounds like you are already regretting that decision" I hear Gemma from the room. "I came to grab Jax's laundry. The guys will be back soon and I will need help with dinner". With that she left me to continue dying alone.  
A shower does me wonders and followed by a cup of coffee, I am starting to feel human again. My mood has not improved much since before the half bottle of tequila, but at least I got a break from my consistent overthinking as well as a good nights sleep.I guess in a matter of hours I will be face to face with the source of my annoyance and anxiety. _Great_ I sigh out loud to myself as I drive off the TM lot towards home.


	15. Chapter 14

I decide to take a detour to my parents home before going back to Gem's. _Your home Brooke,_ I internally remind myself. After digging around in my glove box to find the key, I slowly unlock the front door and step inside. Everything is basically as I remember it except that the furniture is covered in white sheets and everything has a layer of dust. Much of the months after my parents passed away is a blur but I remember the guys coming here to close the house and they must have covered the furniture.

In the corner of the room is a piece of furniture covered in the same white sheet as the rest. I make my way over and remove the cloth to reveal a lounge chair that is just as I remembered. When I was a little girl, my mother would read to me every night in this chair for hours at a time. As I stand there letting memories that had been lost for years flood into my mind, I feel a tear land on my neck and that is when I realized I was crying.

I hadn't really let myself cry since coming out of the initial fog of loosing my parents. I guess I just numbed myself to the pain of loosing them. But being back here and seeing their things is a lot all at once and as I sit down on that lounge chair I let out a flood of tears that had been dammed for too long. I sat there and cried, letting it all out until I was finished, no holding back. As I stand up to leave, I make a promise to myself that I would come back here regularly to start putting this place back together.

I hadn't realized how long I had spent at my parents house until I pulled into Gemma's driveway and took note of the bikes parked along it. _Oh great, I'm late. Gem's gonna be in a mood now._  
I walk in and the house is full and loud. I make a left into the kitchen to see Gemma working around the stove with a few Croweaters.  
"Hey Gem. Sorry I'm late"  
"Too hungover to make it here on time?" She asks with a raised eyebrow.  
"No I was..." I trail off as Gemma orders a Croweater to grab something for her from the fridge. _She clearly isn't in the mood for my excuse._  
I turn and head back through the living room and see Jax sitting in the corner. I make brief eye contact with him as I pass through, but keep walking to my bedroom. I am wearing the same clothes as yesterday and despite my earlier shower, I feel disgusting.

"You've been crying." I hear from behind me. I turn to see Jax leaning against the door frame.  
"What? No I..." again I am cut off.  
"Your face is red and puffy and your eyes are more green than normal Darlin'. He pauses and steps into the room, shutting the door behind him. "Now, tell me why you were crying".  
"It's no big deal. I just stopped by my parents place. Actually went inside this time..." I let myself trail off.  
Jax comes closer, placing his hands around my bare stomach. "Wanna talk about it?"  
"No, not really. I was supposed to help Gemma with dinner and now she's pissed. I should get back out there".  
"When is she not worked up bout' something?" He asks with a smirk and pulls me into his lips. "I missed you the past few days" he whispers between kisses.  
I pull away, "Yea, seems like it" I say as I turn my back to him and continue getting dressed.  
"What's that suppose to mean?" He asks.  
"You were gone for two days and you didn't text once. You didn't even say you were leaving." My back is still too him, making it easier to air my annoyances.  
"Was on a run". I could almost hear him shrug.  
" I know this. You could have at least told me you were leaving".  
"Yeah. Okay." He pauses and I can feel him directly behind me. "You could have texted too ya know?"  
I turn to talk to him face to face, "And seem like a nagging old lady? No thanks" I reply with an eye roll.  
This makes him chuckle and he places a soft kiss on my lips, "We should get out there". I nod and follow him back into the living room.

Dinner goes smoothly despite Gemma barely acknowledging my presence. "I got it" I tell her about the dishes after dinner to gain some brownie points.  
"Thanks" she says simply but gives me a smile.  
Everyone is in the living room talking and laughing when I finish. I lean against the doorway and smile watching everyone. _I really do love this family._ It feels nice after my emotional breakdown earlier in the day.

I feel a presence next to me which breaks me out of my thoughts. Jax is standing there and grabs my hand, leading me back to the spot he previously occupied on the couch. He sits first pulling me into his lap and planting a kiss on my cheek. I can tell a look of surprise has taken over my face but as I feel his hand squeeze my thigh, my body begins to relax. I look around the room and see all eyes on us, specifically Gemma who has her classic raised eyebrow. Jax breaks the silence by continuing the conversation where it left off and everyone went back to talking and laughing.  
Gemma continued to look at us with a raised eyebrow but I see a small smirk start on her lips. _Well, that just happened_ I think. And I think we are going to be okay.


	16. Authors Note II

Hey again all! So I have decided to go ahead and include a time jump, changing the focus of the characters. I chose this for a few reasons. The first being that this next part is what my original idea for a story came from so I am feeling excited to write about it. When I began writing Princess of SAMCRO, I wanted to emphasize Brooke and Jax's close relationship and it was actually only meant to be one or two chapter, but then my creative juices were flowing and it became more.

The second reason is because I wanted to get the plot closer to where the show began. This part of the story takes place maybe about a year and a half before the show began. I think a bit further down the line and I might try my hand out on some cannon with the episodes! I also have close to ten chapters already written so hopefully they will be released quickly. I hope everyone who is following the story enjoys the next part as well and sticks with me!


	17. Chapter 15

Jax and I stayed together for two years and it was a truly happy time in my life. He was fiercely protective, and I supported him with everything I had. We fell into a level of comfort in our relationship quickly, and when Jax decided to buy a house, I moved in with him. If I wasn't seen as the princess of SAMCRO before, I certainly was after our relationship was known throughout the charters. The morning after Jax had outed our relationship I had sat down across the table with Gemma for breakfast.

 _"Oh, don't look at me like that Brooklyn, I already knew"_

 _I stopped mid chew and l stared across the table. "Huh?" is all I managed to squeak out. It wasn't like Gemma to sit on a secret when it came to me._

 _She dropped her reading glasses and continued, "I know you. I know my son. The way Jackson looked at you in that hospital, I saw the change in it as soon as I saw the two of you. And then there was the time that I saw you two all snuggled up in your bed…" She trailed off and smirked._

 _"You did see us that night!" I exclaimed out loud remember how weird Gemma had acted when she talked about it a few days later. "Why didn't you say anything?"_

 _"Knew you'd tell me on your own time. Fun watching you try to be sneaky. You're an awful liar Brooklyn" And with that she went back to her newspaper. I roll my eyes at that last bit because I thought that I did a fairly good job lying, thank you. But smile that Jax and I gained Gemma's approval because hers is the only opinion I really care about in the matter._

I smile now at the memory. At so many of our memories over the years we were together, both good and bad. When you date a member of SAMCRO there are certain expectations and rules that you are meant to follow. I never got Jax's crow tattooed on my body and the reason is because I could never be his Old Lady. I also think back to when I decided to end things with him, one of the more harder things I have ever had to do.

 _"I love you Jax, but I feel like we both know that I can't be your Old Lady, can't marry you, if I can't be everything you need me to be"._

 _"You are everything that I need Brooke" he said looking down. I hated seeing him hurting._

 _"I'm not Jax. I will never be okay with you not telling me everything. I hate the fact that when you leave the house for Club business, I never know what you are doing or if I should be worried that you may not be coming home. I will never be okay with following the "what happens on a run, stays on a run" rule. And I know that you would change those things for me, but the main reason I can't do this anymore is because I am not her"._

 _I felt tears filling my eyes. Throughout the two years we spent together, Tara was always in the back of my mind because I knew that Jax still loved her. He never said as much, but if she got brought up in conversation or something reminded him of her, it was written all over his face. I remember Jax and Tara together, it was before my parents passed away and we would have dinners together. I remember the way Jax looked at her (because I remember being envious of her) and he had never looked at me quite like that. I would always be second best to her, and I was okay with that for a long time. Until the point where he wanted me to get his Crow and give me a ring, I was okay with being second best._

 _He looked up at me surprised, "Brooke…" He trailed thinking of what to say next, "…I love you"_

 _"I know you do, and I love you. But you love her more, and that is okay Jax. I honestly hope that she comes back to you some day. But I can't make that kind of commitment to you, It's not fair to either of us. He did not respond because he knew I was right. "Look, I still want to be here for you, and support you. I still want to be your best friend and I hope that you still want that too"_

 _"Of course, Brooke" he said as he pulled me into an embrace and deeply kissed me, and I could feel him saying goodbye._ Metaphorically of course because I was still living in his house and needed a minute to get my shit together.

He left the house soon after our talk, which concluded with me deciding to start moving into my parent's house as soon as I could get some cleaners in there. I got ready and headed to the garage. I knew that although the dynamics of our relationship would change, Jax and I would make it through this and continue to be huge parts of each other's lives. _Thank god because otherwise work would be awkward._ Within the month I had gotten my childhood home professionally cleaned and moved what little belongings I had. The MC members had helped me move my things and slowly filtered out, congratulating me and showing their love as they left, until it was just Jax and I left.

"You know Darlin', it is not too late to change your mind" he said with a wink as he pulled me into his side. It had been a month since I broke things off with Jax but honestly not much had changed. He was still my best friend and we occasionally still slept together. _Post breakup sex is the best sex right?_

"I can't Jax, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared shitless to stay here by myself"

"Let me stay with you tonight then. As friends of course" he grinned.

"Do you mind?"

"Of course not B."

"Thank you, Jackson," I hugged him as tightly as I could. He lifted my chin to look at him and then brushed his thumb against my lip. We kissed as he carried me up the stairs to my new bedroom. We made love that night, and the next morning he left early after Clay called him for some club business. _Goodbye Jax_ I thought, something felt more permanent about this 'last time' than the others had.

I watched over the next year as Jax met and began dating Wendy. It was hard at first, but I couldn't help but feel happy for him. I had not dated anyone since him because despite being the one to end it, my heart needed time to heal. I also knew that dating outside of the club would mean having to separate myself from the family, and that is the last thing I wanted to do. At the same time, I knew that dating within The Sons of Anarchy would be difficult for me; I knew first- hand what it was like to date SOA and it was certainly not a walk in the park. So instead, I remained single as I watched Jax try to fall in love again.

I never doubted that Jax loved me because I knew that he did, I could feel that he did. Hell, he still does. With Wendy though, I could tell that despite caring about her, he never truly loved her. Jax wanted to settle down and to have true commitment though, so it was no surprise to me that after a short period of time, the two were planning to get married. Watching him marry another woman, especially someone who is not his One, was painful. I plastered on a fake smile and showed him my support, like always.

"You okay sweetheart?" Gemma asked as she approached me taking a double shot of tequila at the wedding.

"Peachy" I responded sarcastically.

"Yea well, that should have been you, you know." Gemma mused.

"No, that should have been Tara" I responded knowing that anything having to do with Tara was a sore spot for Gem. She rolled her eyes, mumbled something, and walked away. I meant it though. I went through heartbreak and one huge reason was that Jax loved another woman more than he loved me. And here I am watching him marry someone else entirely. I was able to snap out of my pity party after the wedding though, and things went back to normal.

I liked Wendy and admired the person she was when she wasn't using. She was strong, and funny, and had a good heart. But her addiction made her a different person, a difficult person to stand up for and as her disease grew, her relationship with Jax began to look like a rollercoaster. As she was in and out of rehab, the two were together and separated more times than I can remember. During one of the first separations after the two were married was the first time he came back to me. We spent the night together after a SAMCRO party and God it was good. It felt so damn good _literally_ to be back with him, and after that we hooked up often.

Having a physical relationship with Jax was completely beneficial for me and filled a physical void that I had been having for too long. I never stopped loving him, but the love had turned from a romantic one to a true friendship, _friendship with benefits now, I guess._ I felt a small amount of guilt because of Wendy, but she had messed up so many times, not only with Jax, but with me and the family. I liked her enough but found myself feeling no loyalty to her. _Besides, she isn't my wife_.

One morning after waking up in the Clubhouse dorm with Jax again, he turned to me and said, "I forgot to tell you Babe, I found a new guy for the club, real good with computers and shit. He is coming by today to start hanging around the garage. We have to vote on it, but I think we are going to have him prospecting soon. We could really use his technical expertise" Jax told me this almost as if he was thinking out loud.

"Okay, I will get dressed and go wait for him. I'll let you know when he is here?"

"Yea that'd be great Darlin" he said as he kissed my forehead.

I got dressed and headed for the office. After making some coffee and returning some phone calls, I needed to start filing some old boxes of receipts. The box was on a shelf that was just barely out of my reach. "Shit" I said out loud as a Harley manual fell to the ground.

"Let me help you with that", an unfamiliar voice said from behind me, making me jump.

I turned around and was stopped in my tracks by the caramel skinned beauty that had appeared in my office. He had a mohawk and the sexiest tattoos running down either side of his bare skull. His shirt tightened in all the right places around his body and I let a small gasp escape from my lungs. _That's embarrassing, and I need to stop staring at this guy_.

"Uh thanks" I managed to mumble as he handed me the book I had dropped. He walked a few steps closer to me and our arms met, _cue the blushing cheeks._ He reached up to the shelf and grabbed the box that I had been struggling to get down. "Thank you" I said again.

"Yea, no problem. I'm here to meet with Jax?" he said, staring into my eyes and grinning a mega watt grin, probably knowing that he had literally stopped me in my tracks.

"Oh yea!" I managed to snap myself out of my daze, "The new guy yea?"

He laughed, _My god that smile._ "Yea I guess. Juice" he said as he held out his hand.

"Nice to meet you Juice. I'm Brooke" I gave him my hand and swear I felt electricity flow through our contact. I am positive he felt it too because he looked up at me, not breaking contact with my hand, and looked almost bewildered. He smiled shyly now, unlike his smile before which was cocky and I am sure he knows what that smile does to females. "I will go get Jax" I managed taking my hand back. I walked across the TM lot and thought of all the things I would like to do to the man I had just left in the office.


	18. Chapter 16

**Juices POV**

Loss and running is how I would sum up my life at this point. My family is basically non-existent, and the crew I was running with in New York ended badly to say the least. So I ran. I ran away from my problems and I ran away from the pathetic situation you could call a home life. I had my sights set on California and had planned to travel up and down the coast. See the sights and figure out where to land next. I started in San Francisco because I had dreamt about driving my bike across the Golden Gate Bridge. _Checked that one off my bucket list_. Then I found myself reading my map and noticed a smaller looking town called Charming. _Charming eh, I wonder what's so 'chraming' about it?_ So I decided to check it out.

The small town didn't really live up to the name, but it was somewhere to land for a few days until I figured out where I wanted to go next. The first night here I noticed a small bar with some Harleys parked out front and decided to check it out. The bar was surprisingly crowded considering the look of it from the outside. Inside I immediately saw who the group of Harleys out front belonged too; a group of men all wearing Kuttes. I knew about motor cycle clubs and envied the brotherhood that came along with them. _Keep dreaming, you're not cut out for that life._ I approached the bar and ordered my favorite, Captain and Coke.

I spent most of the night alone until a man wearing a Kutte came outside while I was leaning against my Dyna smoking a Cigarette. He introduced himself to me as Jax and struck a conversation about motorcycles. I don't know if it was the alcohol or the fact that I was entirely intrigued by his Kutte and his MC, but by the end of our conversation I had revealed to him about my hacking and technical abilities.

"So you staying here in town long?" he asked.

"Not really sure. I have nowhere else to be in particular".

"How about I offer you a job at our garage? We could use an extra set of hands who knows what he is doing with a bike."

I hadn't planned to stay in town. Everything about this town is opposite from what I am used to in New York. Maybe that was part of the draw, or maybe it's because the thought of being even close to this motorcycle club intrigued me.

"Yea man, that would be great"

"Cool. Why don't you stop by on Monday and we will get you started?"

"Okay, see you then" I agreed as I snuffed out the cigarette I had been smoking and hopped on my bike.

So here I am, pulling up to the Teller-Morrow garage lot. I notice a line of bikes on one side of the lot and a few empty parking spots on the other. I take an empty spot and remove my helmet. On one end of the lot there is a large building with _Sons of Anarchy_ written across the top and a picture depicting a reaper on one wall. On the other side of the lot was the garage with _Teller Morrow Automotive Repair_ written across the top and a small office attached. _Here goes nothing_ I think as I approach the office.

As I entered a girl was standing on her tip toes attempting to reach a box that was just above her reach. I should have offered to help her right away but hell, I wanted to take a minute to take her in. She was dressed in light colored jeans that shaped around her ass perfectly. On the top was loose fitting white tank top that showed off a small tattoo on her right shoulder that looked like two sets of initials. Her auburn hair flowed easily around her shoulders in small waves. I couldn't help but smile as she tip toed on in her laced sandals, _cute._

My thoughts were interrupted by the thud of a book on the floor and the girl exclaiming "Shit" out loud. Finally, I decided to step in and say something.

"Let me help you with that" I said and saw her jump a little before turning around. She stopped as she turned, and I could tell that she was examining me a bit, but honestly I was doing the same to her. She was even more beautiful as she faced me, breathtaking really. Her skin was tanned and she had bright green eyes that stood out among her soft features. In the front, her white tank hung loosely off her body, revealing the very top edge of a black lacy bra. _God damn is she beautiful._

"Um thanks" she half mumbled as I picked up the book and extended it to her. I saw her blush a bit. "Thank you" she said more confidently as she took the book from my hand.

"Yea no problem. I am actually here to meet with Jax?" I replied with a grin. _The smile gets em' every time._ I couldn't stop staring into her eyes though, they were almost mesmerizing.

"Oh yea! The new guy right" she exclaimed. I couldn't help but laugh a bit about her sudden excitement.

"Yea I guess. Juice" I replied simply and held out my hand as an introduction. I hadn't used my real name in so long that I didn't even hesitate to introduce myself as Juice. She didn't question it though.

"Nice to meet you Juice" she said with a smile that seemed sincere, "I'm Brooke". As she reached for my hand I swear I felt my whole body tingle. There was something about this girl that was special, I could already tell. I barely know her for Christ sakes, but something about her was captivating.

"I'll go get Jax" she said as she turned and left the office with a hint of blush spreading across her face. I bet she felt it too. I hope she felt it too. Working in this garage may prove to be better than I expected.


	19. Chapter 17

It wasn't long until the club had voted Juice in as a Prospect. They had unanimously decided that they could benefit from his hacking and computer skills, as well as the upgrades he could provide to the clubhouse's surveillance system. He put a lot of work in at TM and I think the guys appreciated his work ethic as well.

He quickly became a friend to me. I hadn't been very good at making friends since my parents passed. I tend to be shy and when I am around new people; I make myself as unapproachable as I can. But with Juice, for some reason, it was different. I enjoyed his company, and although we kept the conversation light, I found myself being drawn to him.

On the day that Juice was accepted as a Prospect, the club threw a party. _Like they need an excuse for a party anyways._ Over the years I had taken up tending the bar at the parties or sometimes just on any regular night as well. I was able to bar tend when I wanted to, and if I wanted to partake in the party, one of the Croweaters would take over. I really enjoyed tending the bar, it was relaxing to me and gave me something to do around the guys on most nights.

"So, office worker by day and bartender by night eh?" Juice half slurred to me from across the bar. Since our initial meeting, I saw him just about every day at TM. Although we had developed a friendly relationship, we hadn't had one personal conversation, so I wasn't surprised when he seemed like I was an unexpected sight behind the bar. He probably has no idea of my connection to the club.

I chuckled at him as I could tell that he was feeling the many Captain and Coke's I had served him tonight. "Oh, you know, I do what I can to be useful" I said with a grin.

"I am sure you are more than useful sweetie" he says to me, followed by a wink as he turned and walked away. Obviously, his rum gave him some courage because for time I have known him, not once has he so blatantly flirted with me. I have felt more like a middle school girl with a crush around him; the flirtations between us was subtle but I felt a connection to him, and I think he felt it too. _Not that I know anything REAL about him, but that is beside the point._

There is a rule about dating Prospects, for me anyway, and that rule is I can't. So, Gemma says at least. She had noticed the subtle flirting between the two of us, and the way that I stared at his ass as he walked around the garage and was quick to tell me not to go there. _You don't want to get involved with a Prospect Brooke. If he doesn't get his top rocker, it will end badly for everyone._ She was right. If I was with him as a Prospect, and he didn't get patched in I would have to choose between him and the club. Or depending on how the ties were cut, I wouldn't have the choice to be with him at all. _But that can't stop me from looking, because God, he is good to look at._

Jax approached the bar and snapped me out of my thoughts. "Where'd you go off to just now?" he asked.

"Oh, um, nowhere. Just tired I guess"

"Yea, sure darlin. You done back there yet? You look like you could use some fun" He said with a grin and a wink.

"Yea I can be" I replied with a smile. "Give me a few"

I found a girl to take over and poured myself a few shots of tequila before finding Jax sitting on a picnic table outside. I took a seat at the table with him, Tig, and Chibs. The cool night air felt nice after being inside for so long. It was the middle of summer and even the nights were warm enough for shorts and tank tops. After spending some time outside wit Jax and the others, Jax whispered in my ear, "I am about done with this party. Wanna come inside with me?" I nodded with a smile and followed him back to the dorms. Jax and Wendy were in one of their "off" cycles which lead to him seeking me out for comfort every few days.

The next morning, I was woken up by Jax shuffling around the dorm room getting ready. "Morning Darlin'" He said to me as I rubbed my eyes and stretched. I took a moment to thank my last night self for not drinking too much because I didn't feel half bad this morning. _Coffee_ was my only thought and so I put on the shorts I was wearing last night and one of Jax's T-Shirts and went to go make some. Jax and I left the dorm at the same time, him making his way outside of the clubhouse, to smoke a cigarette I would guess, and I heading towards the kitchen. I made my coffee and made my way to bar where I noticed Juice was cleaning the mess left from the previous night.

"Morning!" I said cheerily now that I was ingesting my truest love.

His back was turned to me and I heard a slight moan come from him followed by a lazy "Morning". I chuckled because I knew that he was probably feeling like death but being the new prospect, I am sure one of the guys had woken him to start cleaning. I went back to the kitchen to grab him a cup of coffee.

"Thanks for this" he said as he stopped cleaning to begin sipping on the liquid.

"Of course" I respond with a smile.

"So you didn't tell me that you were connected to the club too. I thought that you just worked in the office at TM."

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me" I said with a smile.

"Oh?" he said returning my grin, "Like you being Jax's old lady?"

I laugh at this for two reasons, One because I get why he would think seeing Jax and I last night and this morning together, and Two because I could detect a hind of jealousy behind his words. "No, I am not anyone's old lady" I tell him.

I could see him think about what I had just disclosed, "Oh. So, you are a Croweater then?" he asked with a feign of surprise in his tone.

I laugh even harder at this. I do not have an issue with the girls who consider themselves Croweaters, most were nice enough and they were certainly helpful to have around. "Uh no. I am definitely not a Croweater either. And you may want to be careful who you say shit like that about me around"

He was confused now I could tell, and I found that amusing. His drunken confidence from last night when he blatantly flirted with me popped into my mind and I decided to have some fun with him.

I leaned over the bar and said in a low voice, "Listen, you are a Prospect so the rules say that I have to stay away from you. For now. But do your time, get your top rocker, and then we will see what happens" _._ To finalize making my statement, I give him a wink and walk out of the clubhouse with my coffee. _That should peak some curiosity from him,_ I think which makes me smile.


	20. Chapter 18

**Juices POV**

I was woken up by Chibs shoving my side with his boot. Somehow, I ended up sleeping on the floor with a random, half dressed girl on either side of me. _Hell of a night._ Chibs instructed me to get to cleaning the clubhouse and so, begrudgingly, I got up and started behind the bar. I felt like absolute shit.

I look up from my cleaning and see Jax exiting the dorm area with Brooke about two feet behind him. Like every other time I have seen her since that first day we met, I can't help by smile a little. _There is just something about her_. She turned towards the kitchen and I note that she is wearing what I assume to be one of Jax's shirts because it is oversized on her, allowing only the tiniest sliver of her shorts to show below it. A quick pang of jealousy shoots through my stomach, _that explains how she is connected to the club_.

I turn and bend down to continue cleaning when I hear a cheerful "Morning" from behind me. Not wanting to stand up too quickly, I mumble a "Morning" in response. She comes back moments later with a coffee and for that, I am more than thankful and I tell her so.

"So, you didn't tell me that you were connected to the club too. I thought that you just worked in the office at TM." I had been wondering since I saw her last night how she was connected to the club as well. I wanted to also fish for the reason why I had seen her come out of the Dorms with Jax this morning. _Didn't I hear him talking about having a wife?_

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me" she replies with a smile. _Is she flirting with me?_ We had been what I would call barely flirting since the day we met. I swear that I can feel a connection between us, but I hadn't planned on acting on it, especially if she is already spoken for. This is a new job and a new life for me, and I knew I needed to focus on my job and the club until I got used to everything.

"Oh?" and I can't help but smile back at her. "Like you being Jax's old lady". The half question half statement sort of slipped out without me meaning for it to but I find myself really wanting to know the answer. She giggles a little delaying her response.

"No, I am not anyone's old lady". I feel body relax just a little. _So maybe there is a chance…_ But then I find myself with even more questions. I know that I have heard Jax talk about a wife, but if Brooke isn't her than maybe that means…

"Oh. So, you are a Croweater then?". I ask simply. I am not judging her, but I hadn't taken her for the type of girl who just spends her time hanging around and being with all these guys. She laughs even harder now making me instantly regret even considering the idea. _Of course she isn't a Croweater, look at her._

"Uh no. I am definitely not a Croweater either. And you may want to be careful who you say shit like that about me around." She finally responds. What the hell does that mean, I need to be careful? Oh great, it is day two as a prospect and I have already fucked up with the club. _Typical Juice, Typical._ I honestly didn't mean to offend her, I am just trying to understand who she is. And now I have the vague picture that she is someone of importance to the club although I am not any clearer as to how. She continues speaking, interrupting my internal break down.

"Listen, you are a Prospect so the rules say that I have to stay away from you. For now. But do your time, get your top rocker, and then we will see what happens." She says confidently and winks as she turns to walk away. Now I am left by myself, completely dumbfounded and a bit turned on by her confidence. ' _Do your time and we will see what happens_ ,' what the hell does that mean? I go back to cleaning but can't get Brooke out of my mind. Clearly, she does feel the connection that I believe we have, and she just told me that she is nobody's old lady. _But apparently you can't do anything about it until you are a patched in member_. Okay, well that's only a year. A year is no time at all. Just don't fuck up and you might have more than just a patch waiting for you on the other end.


	21. Chapter 19

I walk out into the morning sun still chuckling to myself about the interaction I had just had with Juice inside.

"What's got you so perky this morning?" Bobby asks as I approach the table where he, Jax, and Tig are sitting.

"Fun night with Jax I'm guessin'" Tig chimes in making himself and Bobby laugh as I roll my eyes.

"More like thankful for this coffee" I reply and take a seat on the bench.

"I got a job for you today B. Club needs some surveillance down at Darby's" Jax chimes in, ignoring his two brothers.

"Okay. Am I looking for anything specific?" I ask

"Yeah. We think he is starting to sell crank outta his place" Tig explains. "You just gotta keep track of who's going in and out and how long they're inside for".

"Sounds easy enough. I'll head down in a bit".

"Thanks B. Oh and take the Prospect with you. I ain't got much use for him around here today and he could use a lesson from the best on stakeouts" Jax says with a smile. Tig and Bobby stub out their cigarettes and walk towards the Clubhouse while Jax hops down from the table. "And last night was fun" he says with a wink before following the two other men into the building.

I smile in response. This thing with Jax is fun and fulfills my physical needs. It is temporary of course, soon Wendy will be out of rehab and sober for a while and the two of them will give it another go. Those times are always a bit awkward for me because it is like a switch in Jax and I's relationship, _flipped back to friends only_. Plus, Wendy is always around which ends up making me feel guilty. As I walk back into the Clubhouse, I let my mind wander for a minute to the possibility of Juice and I being together somewhere down the line. I can picture it not only because he is attractive and seemingly a sweetheart, but also because it would a second chance to have the two things I crave; a love and to keep my family.

Juice has moved on to cleaning the clutter off the tables and pool tables. "Hey! Jax has an errand for us to run. Let me know when you're ready". I go back to the dorms to change into one of the few outfits I leave here. _Spending a significant amount of time in the hot car with Juice, mine as well dress to impress._ I choose a pair of cut off shorts that are probably a little _too_ short, with a grey tank top that crosses in the front and has a deep V neckline, showing off my breasts quite nicely. I tie my hair up in a fishtail braid to finish off the look.

Once I am ready, I head back out to the main room of the Clubhouse and Juice informs me that he is ready to go. He starts to head to his Dyna and I call to him, "Nope, not today Prospect. Today we are taking the cage". I nod towards my escalade (a gift to myself when I was able to access my parent's money) and hop into the driver's seat. Juice follows, climbing into the passenger's side and sighs. "I hate driving cages" he shares.

I chuckle. This is the sentiment of most of the guys in the MC. "It's a necessary evil for our errand today so accept it"

"So what are we doing that has us in this hot as hell shit box?" he asks.

"Hey! Its not a shit box, it's my baby. Also, the AC is on. And we are going on a stakeout" I inform him, and I can't help but smile. I love going on stakeouts; it is fun for me and makes me feel worthwhile to the club.

Juice looks at me with a half-cocked smile and a raised eyebrow, "Shit seriously? Jax has you doing stakeouts for the club?"

"Why so surprised?" I ask

"I dunno. Just didn't think that Club business is something they usual have girls doin'. You must be someone pretty special to them huh?"

I laugh, "Yea I guess you could say that. I've been doing stakeouts for them since I was sixteen. Jax says I blend in well." and I shrug.

He looks at me like he is studying me, and I feel my cheeks begin to redden. Then he turns and faces his attention back towards the road, not saying another word. The drive to Darby's place is not long and I park inconspicuously down the road enough to not be noticed but close enough to see the building. I put the car in park and crack the windows to let the breeze in. Thankfully it is not too hot today and there is a nice wind that is picking up to cool down the inside of the car as we sit. I give Juice the rundown of what we are looking for.

"So, since we are going to be here for a while…" Juice begins as he looks over at me once again, "…are you gonna tell me what your deal is?"

"My deal?" I ask

"Yea your deal. I have known you for a while now, but I feel like I don't really know anything about you". He responds and he is not wrong. We haven't had much time for personal chit chat, but now there is nothing else to do but wait and talk.

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours" I say with a smile.

"Fair enough" he smiles back. "You first".

I sigh and begin to tell him about my parents passing away and Gemma taking me in and how the club is my family.

"Jesus" he interrupts me and sighs. "I am sorry about your parents. And I am really sorry about assuming that you were a Croweater".

I laugh a little, "It's fine really. I was just giving you a hard time this morning".

He looks over at me and look relieved. "Okay so now I know about you and the club. If you don't mind me asking, what about you and Jax?"

I knew this was coming so I explain to him that Jax and I had dated for two years when I was eighteen. I explained that he and Wendy are now married but unhappily and that he and I are still _close_. He listens intently and doesn't seem off put by any of the information I have shared with him. After a moment of silence, he turns to me.

"Well lucky for us a year isn't too long of a time huh?" He says with that grin of his that makes me want to lunge over the middle of the car and kiss him.

As I am about to respond, Juice points out a shitty looking old car pull up to Darby's and a man gets out and enters the building. Not more than two minutes later the man comes back out and leaves. _There's one_ , I think to myself and write down the time the man came and left on a notepad.

After the note is written I turn back to Juice, "Your turn" I say.

Juice tells me about his shitty home life growing up and his experience with a gang back in New York. He explained how that situation ended badly so he left. He told me that he got on his bike and left with no place to go and ended up in Charming. I couldn't help but ask a bunch of questions about his cross- county bike ride and he was happy to tell me stories from the trip. The conversation carried on easily, stopping only when various cars pulled up to Darby's, and before we knew it, three hours had passed.

"I think we have all the information we need here. Ready to go?" I ask Juice as I text Jax to let him know that we are headed back to the Clubhouse.

"Sure" he pauses, "I had a really good time with you today Brooke".

"Yea, me too Juice." I reply and start the car. I really had had a good day. Usually I considered stakeouts my "me time" because I would spend the hours listening to music and thinking. Having Juice here today though was a different kind of good. It was nice getting to know him and hearing his story. It was also nice telling him mine and seeing that he was genuinely interested. I enjoyed his company and his presence, and I hoped to be able to spend more time with him soon. It wasn't long before we pulled onto the TM lot and our silent car ride was over. We both hop out and I hand the written note pad page over to Juice.

"You can take it from here" I say to him with a smile and hand him the note as I turn to head to the TM office and he turns to head to the Clubhouse. Simple is not something that one gets a lot of when their family is SOA, but today with Juice seemed simple and I like that.


	22. Chapter 20

**Juice's POV**

I walk away from Brooke with a smile on my face. _Today was nice, normal almost_ I think to myself as I enter the Clubhouse. When Clay sees me, he calls for Church. I tell the rest of the guys about the ten or so customers we saw come in and out Darby's, inside for less than two minutes, within the three hours we sat there. It was decided that I would go in undercover later tonight because I was new and unknown to Darby and his men. I would buy the crank as proof that they are selling in Charming and then Clay and the rest of the guys would come in and handle it so that Darby will know not to sell within town lines.

After Church, I head to the bar to grab a beer and Jax follows, grabbing one of his own.

"How did it go today with Brooke? Everything went smooth?" he asks as he sips his beer.

"Yea man, all good. It was quiet and she seemed like she knew what she was doing." I respond. My mind quickly flashes to what Brooke had told me earlier in the day about her and Jax and I feel a pang of jealousy wash over me as I look at the blonde haired, blue eyed man. _What I wouldn't give for it to be me with Brooke._ Spending the day with her made me realize that I am attracted to not only her physically, but I am also attracted to her personality.

"Fuck yea she does. She's been helping us with stakeouts for like six years now. Best we've got for the job. You ready for tonight?" He asks.

This will be the first real thing I have done for the club and the last thing I want to do is fuck it up. "Yea I am." I say trying to sound confident.

"Okay good. Catch up with you before we head out later" he says as he walks out of the Clubhouse.

By myself now I have some more time to think about the day. Brooke had really opened up to me which I was thankful for. I remember how shocked I was when she told me that we were going on a stakeout. I honestly hadn't realized how involved with the club she is and to see how excited she was about the stakeout was fucking awesome. Her enthusiasm with hearing about my adventures across country was also amusing and it showed me a side of her that I don't think a lot of these guys see. She seemed like she has a bit of wanderlust that the rest of the MC and Gemma don't. I felt special knowing that she may be giving me a piece of her that others don't get. _I sound like a pussy, Jesus._

I roll my eyes and take a sip of my beer. I can't get her out of my mind though and that may be problematic considering she told me she was off limits for another year. _I wonder if she would sneak around with me…_ I ponder but quickly dismiss the idea because she doesn't seem like to type to go against the MC's rules. Also, she is currently spending most nights with Jax, local stud and VP of our charter, so who am I to compare to that? But I can't deny that I feel the connection between us and I am sure that she does too. Plus, she basically taunted me with the whole "one year" thing so I am choosing to keep my hopes up.

My internal back and forth is interrupted when Chibs approaches me and takes a seat at the bar.

"Aye Juicy. Good job today"

"Thanks, brotha" I say. The word _brotha_ standing out to me as a phrase I have never used before but feel confident using now.

We sit and shoot the shit back and forth, talking a bit about club history and bikes. I really like Chibs, probably the most of anyone so far. He seems down to earth which is cool, and he doesn't feel the need to treat me like a dick most of the time.

Finally, the time has come to leave for the set up. I dress in street clothes and enter the dingy building with my hood on. _Best to keep the head tats covered for this_ I had thought to myself before entering. I was approached by two guys asking what I wanted. I told them and they gave me the drugs. I quickly walked out of the building, nodding to where Clay, Jax, Tig, and Chibs were waiting, causing them to walk briskly past me and into the building. My next job was to grab the van and bring it running to the front door for an easy exit.

It was a matter of moments before the crew exited the building, jumped into the running van, and I was taking off, speeding back to TM. The rush is amazing and being here with my new brothers makes me feel a sense of home. I also find myself thinking of Brooke and wanting her to be impressed by my first initiation into the MC. I send a text once we are back at the Clubhouse,

 **To Brooke:** Just finished at the spot from earlier today. Thank you for your help with everything.

The message is vague, but I know she will understand. I want to tell her more, tell her how amazing this feeling is and tell her how happy I am to have found a place where I might belong. But I keep it simple for now, just letting her know that the job is complete and to show her she has stayed on my mind.


	23. Chapter 21

It was late, almost past midnight, when I heard my phone notify that I had received a text message.

 **Message from Juice** appeared on my screen and I opened it: Just finished at the spot from earlier today. Thank you for your help with everything.

I smile at the message. Despite the minimal wording of the message I knew he meant that the guys had taken care of things at Darby's and that they were likely back safely at TM now. I am happy that he thought enough about me to text me that the job was done. Usually once my part of the job was finished, I never got updates on the outcome of the situation. Juice is already proving to be different though and I think there is more to that than being new. I know he feels the same connection that I do and I think that has more to do with why he sent me the message.

I decide to reply.

 **To Juice:** Good and you're welcome. I am glad that you are safe. Good night Juice 😊

I wait a moment for a response and finally my phone pings.

 **Message from Juice:** Goodnight Brooklyn.

It wasn't anything grand or special, but the simple conversation made butterflies in my stomach as I rolled over to go to sleep.

The next morning, I head to my favorite coffee shop before work. As I am waiting for my coffee, I feel the presence of someone standing behind me, to close to me for comfort. I have learned a lot over the years about personal protection, and because of that I always keep alert to my surroundings. I slowly turn around and look up to see Darby almost standing over me. Since we are in a very public place, I am not too worried about him doing anything to me but the proximity in which he is standing tells me that this meeting was not accidental.

"Mornin' Darby." I say choosing to stand my ground a bit. I had met him around town on a few occasions but never cared too much to speak more than greetings to him.

He leans in a little closer and whispers "I saw you the other day, pulling away from my street. Funny too cause' some of my guys say that they saw a car sitting out there for a few hours. Actually, it matched the description of your car. And then what do you know, a few hours later SAMCRO is busting down my doors".

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"I'm sure you don't. The thing is, I found you easy today too, so take this warning back to Clay; SOA backs off or maybe you'll be the one being watched." He reaches his tattooed arm up and brushes a piece of hair off my face, "Pretty little thing, aren't you?" he continues before he walks out of the shop.

My coffee order is called but I don't hear the barista the first time as my mind is slightly clouded by the interaction I just had. Darby wasn't particularly threatening to the club, more or less a joke, but I hate the way he had just invaded my personal space and it makes me want to vomit.

"Brooke" I hear the barista shout this time and I grab my coffee and exit the shop. I find myself looking down both sides of the street before getting into my car. I hated feeling like this. I hadn't really felt the need to watch my back since a few months after being kidnapped by the Mayans with Jax. After the initial trauma wore off, I was able to go back to life as normal. But today with Darby had me feeling like I was right back there, and I hated it.

I drive directly back to TM and park my car. It didn't seem like anyone was behind me on the drive here, which either means that his threat was idle, or he is too smart to follow me here. _Shit. Everyone in town knows where my parents lived, where I currently live_. The thought is unsettling as I exit my car and head into the TM office. Gemma is already here, and I hand her the coffee I had bought for her.

"Thanks, Darlin" she says with a smile.

"Yea. Hey have you seen Jax this morning?" I ask hurriedly.

"I think the guys have Church this morning. Everything okay?"

"Yea. I just have to talk to him about something. I'm gonna go see if I can find him. Be right back." I say as I walk back out of the office and across the TM lot.

I walk into the Clubhouse to find it empty but the big wooden doors to Church closed. I know better than to interrupt when they are in the middle of a meeting, so I wait. I decide to pour myself a shot of Tequila because why not? _You haven't even finished your coffee yet Brooklyn_ I self-scold myself but shrug and take the shot easily. It's not too much longer before the guys exit the room. Juice comes out before Jax and approaches me happily.

"Hey Brooke. Whatcha doing here?"

"Morning" I say and force a smile. I think he can tell because his own faulters a bit. "I actually have to talk to Jax about something. Talk to you later yea?"

"Yea okay. Sure" He says as I turn away. I feel a little bad about being dismissive, but I need to talk to Jax and Clay. Juice will find out why I am being short eventually. The two men I am looking for are still in the large room to the side of main room. I approach the door and knock. Jax and Clay look up simultaneously. Clay gives me a 'why the hell are you coming in here look' but Jax smirks and asks what's up.

"Sorry to interrupt. I wouldn't it if wasn't important" I start, and I see Clay become a little more welcoming to my presence. I continue, "I ran into Darby at the coffee shop this morning. He knows that it was me keeping tabs on him yesterday. He wanted me to tell you that if you don't back off that he will be the one keeping an eye on me."

"Say anything else?" Clay asks

I choose to keep Darby's other creepy comment to myself, "No just that". Clay nods and looks at Jax, "Lets clean this shit up before working on the other shit".

Jax nods and we all leave the room. I start to head outside when I feel Jax's arm snake around my waist. "Hey B. You okay?" We exit into the sunlight and both take a seat at the picnic table.

"Yea I'm alright." I half lie. I was still feeling pretty worked up.

"Yeah?" He asks and I can tell he knows I am not being honest.

"I just…" I pause trying to find the right words. "…He knows where I live Jax"

Jax takes a drag of his cigarette and looks at me. "This is about the Mayan shit isn't it?". It's a little annoying just how well he knows me.

"Same feeling I had after that yea." I admit.

"Darby ain't the Mayans. He's not that smart and not all that tough. We will take care of it."

I smile a little at him, "Yea I know".

"We are going to figure out how to handle it, take care of it today okay?"

"Thanks, Jax" I smile, still feeling a little uneasy but betting knowing that I had the MC to protect me.

"And B, why don't you stay here tonight?" He says with a smirk.

I don't mention that I was already planning to and agree with him. No way was I going back to my huge empty house by myself. Jax plants a kiss on my cheek and heads back into the Clubhouse. I lean back onto the table and close my eyes. There is a breeze that feels good across my skin and I soak in what little sun is peaking in from the side.

"Everything okay?" I hear Juice's voice bring me back to reality.

"Everything is good." I say forcing yet another smile.

"Jax told everyone what happened this morning. We're gonna take care of him this afternoon." He pauses before continuing, "I'm sorry that happened to you Brooklyn."

"It's not your fault. Part of the job, right?" I realize that Juice doesn't yet know about the ordeal with the Mayans all those years ago, and so he couldn't understand the extent to which the incident this morning affected me. Nevertheless, he was being sweet and caring about it.

"Shouldn't be for you". He said half out loud as he starts to walk back inside. I go to the office to help Gemma. I update her on this mornings events and she insists on not leaving me alone while the guys work on what to do about Darby.

I find myself driving around with Gemma on her daily errands, letting my mind wander. I put one hundred percent of my trust in the Club and so realistically I know that I have nothing to worry about. But then the thought of being kidnapped again sneaks into my mind and I feel a slight panic drop in my stomach. Thankfully I won't be alone today or tonight which makes me feel a bit better. It is past dinner by the time we get back to TM. By the looks of the empty parking lot, I realize the guys aren't back yet, which makes me nervous. I tell Gemma it is okay to leave, and I sit down in the office to eat my salad I had bought for dinner. There are a few guys in the garage finishing up work so I am not alone. Eventually I hear the familiar sound of bikes pull into the lot and I exit the office.

It looks like everyone is accounted for, which is a marker I look for after everything the club does. Jax jumps off his bike and approaches me. "All taken care of. He shouldn't give you a hard time again." He states and has a look of being pleased with himself which makes me smirk. The rest of the guys are headed into the Clubhouse and Jax and I follow suit. I am exhausted after the day and honestly ready for bed but before the thought can even finish, I hear the music begin to blast and a hoot coming from the bar as some of the guys begin to celebrate. _If you can't beat em', Join em'._ So, I head to the bar where Juice is already set up and request a shot. He takes one with me.

"Here's to taking care of the trash" he said with his megawatt grin which I can't help but laugh at.

"Cheers" I say with a genuine smile.

We fall into conversation easily after that. Juice has a presence about him that the rest of the guys don't, and I can't quite place it. Maybe it is because he is less hardened, has done less shit. Whatever it is I find myself drawn to him more each time I speak with him. Our conversation is interrupted when Tig comes over to the bar.

"Juice, got a Croweater over there requesting you for the night. Lucky boy too, she's a wild one" Tig declares and I could tell he is remembering from experience. _Gross_ I think to myself but can't help but to also find it amusing. I don't necessarily appreciate hearing that type of shit but have gotten used to it after years of being around these guys.

Juice looks as if he doesn't know what to say, like he is surprised by one of the girls requesting him. This surprises me because look at him, a girl would be crazy not to want him. I roll my eyes a little at myself look back to Juice who seems as though he is struggling between following Tig and continuing our conversation.

I interrupt his thoughts, "Have fun Juice. Use protection" I joke, and he laughs, walking in the direction on the Croweater. I feel a brief pang of jealousy sweep over me but dismiss it quickly. I'll likely be spending the night with Jax tonight and I wouldn't be able to be with Juice for another year regardless. I watch Juice from across the room move somewhat awkwardly with the girl which makes me chuckle. Turning back towards the bar, I take a final shot before heading back into the dorms. I am tired from the emotional day and decide to lay down with my earphones in until Jax decides to come to bed.


	24. Chapter 22

Nine months pass quickly with nothing much exciting happening with the club and work went on as usual. Juice and I grew closer and I couldn't help but develop feelings for him. His energy is so alluring to me and our friendship is now strong. About a month ago, Jax noticed how much time I was spending with Juice and caught me looking at him from across the clubhouse one night.

"You're into the prospect aren't you?" He asked me casually while sipping his beer.

I could feel my face redden a bit, _not exactly a comfortable conversation to have with your ex_. But I also knew that even attempting to lie to him would be considered a fail. "I uh…I dunno. Maybe".

"Maybe my ass" he replies with a smile. "He's got what, three more months till he gets patched in? Unless he does anything stupid." He pauses and looks at me, "I think he is good for you Brooklyn".

I am taken back a bit by his comment. Not because I thought he would be jealous because that is not where Jax and I are anymore, but because he basically just gave me his blessing. Which is surprising because he along with the other guys treat Juice like they think he is the dumbest guy to ever meet the MC. I smile, "You think?"

"Yea I do. You told me when we broke up that you couldn't do the 'Old Lady thing'. Couldn't be the type of Old Lady I need, and maybe you were right about that. This shit has been engrained in me since I was a kid, just the way life is. But Juice is different, and I think he wouldn't expect the same shit. Also, it is so clearly obvious that he walks around pining after you. Kinda like watching a puppy." He finishes his sentence with a smirk which makes my face redden even more.

I think about what he said, and I guess that is one of the reasons I am so drawn to Juice. He is softer than the rest of the guys, but not in a bad way. He can hold his own with club stuff and has become an important member of the MC. After many hours thinking about it, I determine that he is simply more empathetic and that is part of my draw towards him.

Since I had that conversation with Jax he and I have not had sex at all. In fact, a few weeks ago he and Wendy reconnected since it seems like she is doing better for now. I am happy for him and happy about the way we ended. I was starting to feel guilty about sleeping with Jax and having feelings for Juice.

Today is a hot summer day and the air conditioner has broken in the TM office; it is uncomfortable and sticky, and I am irritable. My phone rings showing an unknown number which makes me grunt in frustration, but I decide to answer anyway.

"Hello"

"Hi, is this Brooklyn?"

"Yea" I answer shortly.

"Brooklyn, this is your aunt Rebecca." I feel my face go white, I haven't heard from my parent's family in years, since their funeral. I was never close to the extended family, only my grandparents for portions of my childhood. My mom's parents lived in Florida and we visited them once a year until my grandmother passed away when I was nine and my grandfather when I was eleven. My dad's dad was never in the picture and his mom lives in Santa Barbara. We used to be close until suddenly around the age of thirteen my parents must have had a falling out with her because I never saw her after that. Rebecca is my dad's sister.

After a long pause I manage to squeak out, "Okay".

"I know it must be odd hearing from me after all these years," she continued "But I just wanted to let you know that your grandmother passed away. Her funeral is in Santa Barbara this weekend and I wanted to tell you in case you wanted to come.

I don't know what to say to her so all I manage is "O…Okay. Thank you for calling." And I hang up the phone. I take a breath to process the information that I just received. I hate that I don't know how to feel about any of it. I haven't been close to my grandmother in almost ten years but she was the last biological family member I had ever been close to.

I decide I need to go to the funeral, regardless of how awkward it will be. I open the door to the garage and call across it to where Jax is working, "Hey Jax, can I talk to you for a minute?"

He takes his time coming into the TM office. "What's up B?" he asks kindly.

"I uh…I just got a call from my aunt."

"Your aunt?" He asks. "I didn't know you had any family left"

"I don't. I mean not really. She was my dad's sister. My grandmother died."

"Awe Jesus." He says and pulls me into a hug. "I'm sorry Brooklyn". He holds me for a while before pulling away.

"Yea thanks. The funeral is this weekend is Santa Barbara. Was hoping to go…" I trail off.

"You wanna go down to Santa Barbara?" He asks skeptically, "By yourself?"

"Hadn't really thought about the details, just got the call. Grandma is the last person in my family I had any sort of relationship with" I explain.

"Yea okay" He says with his eyes softening a bit "Why don't you bring the prospect?"

"Sure" I say absentmindedly. "Thanks Jax".

He nods, giving me another hug before returning to the garage. It is a weird feeling losing someone you were once close to. It isn't the same feeling as losing my parents, obviously, and I think it is my lack of feeling that concerns me the most. I cared about my grandma at one time, but now I don't know her and yet I feel an obligation to say goodbye.

Later in the day, Juice comes into the office, "I heard about your grandma. I'm sorry Brooke" He says and gives me a hug.

"Thanks Juice" I say with a smile. "I haven't really had contact with her since I was like thirteen but I wanna say goodbye ya know?"

He simply nods and I continue, "Did Jax tell you that your assigned to security detail?" I ask with a smile.

He laughs a little "He did."

"We'll leave Friday morning if that sounds okay?"

"Sounds like a plan Brooke." He says and I return to work feeling a bit better than I had earlier in the day.

Friday comes and I am sitting in my room blasting music. I hate how big and quiet this house is so whenever I am home, I have music playing. I am just finishing packing my backpack and as I see a figure appear in my doorframe an I jump half a mile.

"Jesus Juice! You scared the shit out of me!"

"Sorry! If your damn music wasn't playing so loud you would have heard me knocking" he teased. "Ready to go?" He asks.

I breathe, "Yea I am ready" I reply. I find myself actually excited about the long bike ride down the coast. I haven't ridden with Juice yet and the thought of my arms around him for such a long time is exciting. Anxiety can't help but creep into my mind over powering any excitement as I think about seeing my family. I choose to focus on the present as I get on the back of Juice's bike and hold on as we begin to ride.

The breeze hits my face and I instantly feel relaxed. The lackluster scenery of Charming eventually turns into ocean views as we speed down the California Highway. I rest my head against Juice's back and close my eyes briefly reveling in the rush, mentally preparing myself for the upcoming days of family that has been long lost.


	25. Chapter 23

Finally, we arrive in Santa Barbara at a fairly nice hotel. The wake is tonight, and the funeral is tomorrow. Juice and I went to our shared room and decided to each shower and get dressed. He was instructed by Jax to attend all of the weekends events to make sure that nothing happened to me. It was a little over protective in my opinion because nobody down here even knows who I am, but thinking back to being kidnapped, I do appreciate the presence of a club member.

I dress in a respectable black dress with flats. I hate the look, but it's appropriate for a funeral and it seemed like something that wouldn't make me stand out more than I likely already will. Half of these people will have no idea who I am, and the other half probably have their opinions of me. _Estranged dead parents and now she lives with a bunch of bikers_. No doubt people will be talking.

Juice emerges from the bathroom looking nice. He is wearing black pants with a black shirt, choosing to keep his Kutte on over the rest of his clothing. He wears a black hat to cover his head tattoos, I assume so that no further attention is drawn to him.

"You look nice" he complements me although I am sure that he is just trying to be nice.

"Yea right" I scoff, "You do though" I say with a soft smile. We gather our things and leave the hotel. The wake is not far so we choose to walk. The weather is beautiful with an ocean breeze, making it the perfect temperature. The walk is mostly silent as I feel increasing anxiety about the upcoming hours. I take one slow, heavy breath. Juice stops, grabbing my hand lightly, making me stop as well.

"It'll be okay Brooke. I know what its like to have family shit and I am here for you". _God he is such a sweet person._ Half of me wants to wrap my arms around him and kiss him but I think better of the idea.

"Thank you, Juice. Seriously, you have been such a good friend" I hug him, and we continue walking.

Once we get to the wake, the small rooms are filled with people standing in various places. I don't recognize any of them but head to the front of the room where my grandmother rests. Juice remains in the back, standing still and talking to no one. It's not lost on me that we are both in a room full of people who are not acknowledging us at all.

I walk up to the open casket and look down at my grandma. She looks very much like I remember but had aged quite a bit. A memory briefly flashes into my mind of playing dolls with her when I was little at her home here in Santa Barbara. I feel a flash of sadness take over my body as I give her one final look before walking away. _Goodbye Grandma_. As I am headed back to Juice I am intercepted by a woman who I barely recognize.

"Brooklyn, is that you?" the woman asks.

"Y-yeah" I stutter.

"I am sure you don't remember me, but I am your aunt Rebecca. You look just like your mother" she shared and rubbed my arm. I almost feel like recoiling from her but realize that would be rude. She continues with conversation saying how long it has been and eventually asks what I am doing with my life.

"Oh I live in Charming still, working at a local garage."

I see her cast a glance at Juice and then back to me. "That's nice" she says, clearly not believing the words she is saying. "Last I knew you wanted to be a doctor like your mom. What happened to that?"

I can feel myself tensing at the question. _What does she think happened, both of my parents died_ is the response I want to give but again, that would be rude.

"A lot happened" I answer shortly and look away from her gaze.

"Right" She says simply as if she realized what a stupid question she had asked. "Well thank you so much for coming, I am sure that mom would have been happy for you to be here" She again pats my arm and walks away. I don't mean to be so rude, but I just feel so disconnected from these people. This isn't my family anymore and I feel that as I stand once again alone in the room. I look back to Juice, who looks like he watched the whole interaction. Walking over to him I tell him I am ready to go.

As we are walking back to the hotel, "Let's get out of these stuffy clothes and get drunk" I suggest and that is what we do. I change into a tight- fitting top that covers most but not all of my stomach and a pair of tight black jeans. To finish the look, I throw on a pair of laced heels. _Much more my style_ I think to myself as I smile in the mirror. That is what today felt like, pretending to be someone and part of a family I am not.

Juice and I find a bar on the beach and grab dinner and drinks. It feels good to be spending time with him outside of the club scenery and as always, the conversation flows easily. We talk about different places we have seen, and like that first conversation during our surveillance mission he told me about his adventures riding across country.

"I want to do that someday, drive across country. I want to see different things and meet different people."

"What's stopping you?" he asks.

"I have lost enough family ya know? I don't want to lose SAMCRO and Gemma too".

"I get that" he responds and sips his beer and we sit in silence for a few moments.

Breaking the silence, I ask, "You ready for your top rocker?"

Juice smiles one of his mega watt smiles and replies, "Of course!". It is cute seeing him so excited about his patch. He continues, "Full patch means no more prospect bullshit tasks. Also, if I remember correctly about nine months ago some girl told me to put my year in and then I'd be able to see what happens. So, I'll be more than happy to see what happens" He says in a half whisper with a full smirk on his face and a wink.

My insides turn to butterflies with his blatant flirting and I must keep myself again from lunging at him. Instead I grab his hand and for the second time today our fingers lace. I get up from the table and lead him off the outdoor patio and onto the beach. Taking my shoes off, I lead him down to the water until the waves are almost reaching our feet. The ocean has always been one of my favorite places to be. There is just something so calming about the sounds of the waves and how light reflects off the water.

"It's so beautiful here" I muse as I look to where the moon is bouncing off the water.

"It is" Juice responds but when I turn to him, he isn't looking to the water, he is staring back at me. His expression is hard to read and doesn't give away what he is thinking.

The alcohol running through my body increases my courage and ability to not overthink. I take off Juice's hat, revealing his mohawk and tattoos. _Something about the combo is extremely sexy_. I run my hand through his hair, and I feel him lean into my hand just the slightest bit.

As if he knows exactly what I am thinking, what I want, in that moment he whispers, "We shouldn't do this Brooklyn. Not yet". I usually don't like it much when people use my full name, but something about the way Juice says it makes me appreciate it. _I love that your name is Brooklyn_ he once told me, _it reminds me of where I came from._

The courage running through me only increases, "So your saying," and I pause to lean just a little closer, "that you wouldn't want to kiss me?"

He sighs slightly again, "Do you know how much and for how long I have wanted to kiss you?". He stares into my eyes but does not make any movement to get closer to my lips.

"Well what happens on a run stays on a run right?". Almost before the last word is out, his lips move onto mine and we are kissing in the moonlight.


	26. Chapter 24

"Well what happens on a run stays on a run right?" she asks me, and I can't fucking take it anymore. I have wanted to kiss her since the day I met her in the TM office. I know that I shouldn't because it is breaking some bullshit rule of being a Prospect but at this moment I don't care.

The kiss is amazing, and it feels like nothing I have felt before. It almost seems electric and I crave more when she pulls back a little.

"Can we go back to the hotel?" she asks almost breathlessly. I nod and without wasting another moment, I grab her hand and pull her towards the beaches entrance. We get back to the hotel pretty quickly and once we are in the room, I see her lose some of the confidence she was displaying earlier. "Second thoughts?" I ask.

 _I hope she isn't_. I consider that this is moving quickly and have a brief moment of hesitation myself. I want her, _fuck I want her_ , but I don't want her to make any decision that she may regret. She has been drinking, but not too much for her to handle and I take note that her movements and speech are both still very much in control. I remind myself that we have been getting closer and closer by the day since that first time we went on the stakeout. We have spent a lot of time at her house watching movies and enjoying meals together. In all sense of the word we have been dating, just without the physical contact that I have been craving.

"Of course not" she says as she slowly approaches me placing her hands on either side of my Kutte, peeling it off slowly. I kiss her lips gently before she parts them for me, letting me explore her mouth with my tongue. _God she tastes good_. The smallest portion of her flat stomach is showing so I slide my hands onto her midsection and begin to lift her shirt up. She moans in my mouth as I do so, turning me on even more. We take everything slowly; taking off our clothes, moving from the middle of the room to the bed, everything. I want to savor this moment because I know it might be months until I get to experience it again.

Not to sound like a girl, but the night was more than I had been imagining for all these months; mind-blowing really.

We ended up falling asleep naked together, and I wake up in the morning forgetting for a second what had happened the night before. As soon as I wake up enough to be coherent, I remember and feel her hand lightly draped over my chest. I smile to myself and turn my head to kiss her on the top of hers. I want to wake up every morning to this and I hope that she feels the same. I hope that last night didn't happen because she was drinking and upset by her family or whatever. She stirs and notices me staring at her. I turn away feeling awkward that she caught me, but she puts her hand on my chin, turning my head back to face her and kisses me deeply. _I guess it wasn't just a last night thing_.

She reaches and runs her hand through my hair making a sigh escape from my lips. _Fucking love when she does that_. "We should go to the beach today" she suddenly suggests.

"What about the funeral?" I ask

"I said my goodbye yesterday. I don't want to be around the rest of those people for another day. I'd rather just enjoy being here with you" she says kissing me on the corner of my lips after finishing her sentence.

"Okay" I say because how could I argue with spending a day with her. We take our time getting out of bed and ready for the day. Brooklyn stops me as I am about to put on my Kutte.

"You don't need that today" she says, "Today it is just you and me. No SAMCRO, no rules. Just us and the beach.

I smile, placing my hands under her butt and lifting her to sit on the dresser. "Okay" I say before kissing her deeply. I feel like an excited high school kid on his first date suddenly. We leave the hotel, stopping at a nearby gift shop to pick up bathing suits. She comes out of a dressing room with just her shorts and the bikini top on. The top is very light pink in color, going straight across her chest with a ruffle; it is fucking adorable. She has also picked up a ridiculously oversized sunhat and some beach towels.

"Like the hat?" she asks with a chuckle.

I laugh as well, "You make anything look good". She smiles shyly back at me, a look that I will never get tired of seeing. After making our purchases, we head to the beach. The weather is hot but with a slight breeze as we near the water. We set up our towels on the sand and both lay down in the sun. I take a moment to look over at Brooklyn laying peacefully with her eyes closed. Everything about her is beautiful.

We spend a few hours laying in the sun and eventually make it down to the water. It is chilly, but the coolness feels welcome after baking in the heat for so long. I have never spent too much time at the beach. I didn't leave the city too much as a kid and never took much interest in the ocean. Being here now though, I get the appeal. 

Brooklyn splashes me with a handful of water, bringing me back from my thoughts. I look at her with a shocked expression from the cold and she is laughing. I raise an eyebrow at her before lunging at her and picking her up over my shoulder. I begin to carry her out deeper in the water, all the while she is thrashing about. I love the normalcy I feel when I spend time with her. Everything is easy and simple, which is something I am not entirely used to.

Once we are in the water up to just above my navel, I lower her from my shoulder and into the water with me. I don't let her go completely but instead hold her hovering, so we are face to face. Her hair is slightly wet from being splashed on the journey into the water and her face is a light shade of red from laughing, yelling, and being upside down. She is laughing still until her eyes meet mine and she suddenly becomes serious.

I see her eyes move from my own to my lips and I hear her breath inhale and she wraps her legs around mine. Still holding her slightly up with one arm, I use my other hand to brush her wetted hair out of her face and allow my fingers to linger on the back of her neck. I pull her closer to me, until our lips are brushing against each other. She closes the distance slowly and our lips meet with the same electricity as last night. My body instantly reacts, and I want to feel more of her against more of me. I draw her body even closer to mine, closing any distance that had previously been there. This girl is different from other girls I have been with in more ways than one. I want her like I have never wanted anything and this trip, this day spent with her has only solidified that. I know that when we get back to Charming she won't be mine for another three months, but in this moment she is mine completely.

 **I hope you enjoy the chapters from Juice's point of view! I know they are shorter than the rest but it is fun to write from both perspectives and getting into both of their minds for a bit. More updates to come soon!**


	27. Chapter 25

I lay back down on my towel after playing in the water with Juice for a bit. I am completely satisfied with my decision to come to the beach instead of attending the funeral. Maybe I should feel guilty about skipping my Grandmothers funeral, but in all honesty, I don't. Like I told Juice this morning, I had said my goodbye last night and today would have only prolonged the awkwardness I felt around my "family".

I look over to Juice who is laying next to me with his eyes closed. He is shirtless and has chosen to let his head tattoos show today; I appreciate both of these decisions. I turn onto my back, closing my eyes once again, and letting my mind wander.

Thinking about the time I have spent with Juice this weekend makes me smile. I didn't expect any of this to happen, yet at least, but everything about him draws me to him. Having a regular day today with him at the beach is something that I never got with Jax. Sure, we had down time where we could spend time just the two of us, but nothing as carefree and spontaneous as this. As Juice is just simply laying in the sun, it shows me that he isn't afraid to let his tough exterior down when it is just me and him. I have noticed the small things that he does to show that he cares; like taking my hand yesterday before the wake to calm me down, or the small kisses he has been planting on my head throughout the day. At some point during my racing thoughts, I managed to drift off to sleep in the warm sun.

I have no idea how long I had dozed off for before I felt Juice lightly kissing the corner of my lips to wake me up. "Brooklyn." I open my eyes, and immediately get lost in his big brown orbs. I also notice that the sun is in a considerably different position than it was when I dozed off. He smiles down at me and continues, "We should get going back to the hotel, it is getting late". I agree and we pack up our things.

The next morning, I again wake up in Juice's warm arms and I hesitate to move because of how comfortable I am. But we had decided the night before to get up and on the road early to make it back to Charming at a decent time. I lazily roll out of his arms and stretch my arms and legs to better wake myself up. Suddenly, I feel Juice's arm snake around my exposed stomach and his face nuzzle into my neck. I can feel his warm breath and then suddenly his lips just below my jawline. I turn my head away from him to grant him more access to my neck because damn do I like when he pays attention to it.

I run my hand through his mohawk and tug a little on the front bit, making him moan into my earlobe. His hand begins to wander up my exposed thigh and to the hem of my underwear. Slowly he allows his fingers under the fabric and finds my sweet spot immediately. I open my legs to allow him better access as he moves swiftly from my side to hovering over me, never breaking contact with his hand or his lips. He takes a moment to pull down my panties slowly.

"You are beautiful" he tells me, and his voice is needy. He leans moving his attention from my collar bone back to my lips and kisses me painfully slow. His tongue dances with mine as it explores my mouth. Thankfully, he is still almost completely undressed from last night so I take advantage of that and drag my fingernails down his bare chest. As I do so, his hand leaves my underwear and slowly drags up my stomach to my breast. He cups it fully and squeezes, causing me to moan loudly. I can feel what the noises I am making is doing to him, turning me on even more. I sit up slightly to pull down his boxers, the one item of clothing left separating him from me. As I do so, the bulge filling the fabric springs free and as leans back down to kiss me, I feel him rub against my own exposed skin.

I moan his name quietly causing him to smile as he continues to kiss just under my ear. Slowly, almost painfully so, I feel him position himself at my entrance and push in just a little. I can't tell if he is unsure of himself causing him to be more careful, or if he is just trying to savor this moment knowing that it will likely be the last like it for some time. I find myself greedily wanting more of him so I arch myself up, causing him to enter me more. _Brooklyn_ he moans and that is just about as much as I can take. I reach up to his bare back and dig my nails into him, urging him to go harder. He understands my silent message and picks up the pace.

Juice doesn't stop his thrusts, as he uses both of his large hands to gather my breasts. He brings them together and sensually sucks on both nipples simultaneously. The duel sensations are almost too much for me and it isn't much longer before I feel my walls begin to clench around him. I can tell that he feels it too as his movements are becoming choppier and his breathing is increasing by the second. There is a moment when we make eye contact and that is the end of both of us as we climax together.

As we lay next to each other, he lets out what I assume is a satisfied sigh and turns to face me, smiling. "That was…" he trails.

"Yea I know" I giggle and run my hand through his hair knowing what the simple action does to him. He rubs circles with his finger on my upper thigh. His touch sends electricity through my body that I have never experienced before. After laying together for a few moments more, we get our things together and leave the hotel. The morning sun is already hot, and I am thankful that I am wearing a simple black tank top. Juice hands me my helmet before I jump on to his bike and we make the long journey back up the coast.

Just before we enter Charming, Juice pulls his bike off the main road and onto what I assume is a private one. He parks his bike at the entrance to a clearing. In the distance I see that we are on a hill looking over a field. There is one large tree looming over the crest of the hill and from where we are, the scene looks like a painting. Juice removes his helmet and I follow suit not taking my eyes off the beauty in front of me. I can't believe that I have never been here before.

"I found this place when I was on my way into Charming the first time" he confesses as he holds his hand out to me. I take it and he leads me to the single tree. This new location allows me to take in the field below that is filled with summer flowers and tall grass.

Breaking the silence, Juice turns to me before saying "I wanted to get another few minutes with you before we head back".

I can't contain the smile that takes over my face at his words and his own smile. "It's beautiful" I say, mostly talking about the scenery around us but also talking about his smile that I cannot get enough of. Juice reaches up and tucks a loose hair behind my ear, allowing his fingers to brush the side of my neck before landing on my shoulder. He pulls me into a deep kiss. We stay like this a few moments longer before turning back and spending another few minutes looking over the field.

"We should go, I am sure the guys are expecting us back" he states, his hand at my waist squeezing slightly.

"Yeah, okay." I half sigh and we turn to leave. I don't want to go, don't want this weekend to come to an end. The feelings I have been developing for Juice over the time that I have known him have only intensified after our weekend together. I want to spend more time with him and I want to wake up to him in the morning. As we ride through the streets of Charming I think about how three months is likely going to feel like three years.


	28. Chapter 26

I wake in my bed with a jolt. I can feel the tears streaming down my face and my body is drenched in sweat. _A nightmare_. I have been basically nightmare free for years, with only a few sleepless nights since. But this one was different and immediately my body and mind succumb to anxiety and I go into flight or fight mode. _Flight._

As I drive away my mind is fuzzy and I feel like I did after being kidnapped. I fucking hate this feeling, this feeling that has peered its head rarely since the initial incident. But this is worse. Seeing those men in my dream brought me right back to that basement. The looming darkness is not helping my state of mind or my ability to safely drive. My mind flashes back to the darkness of the blindfold that night, the searing pain in my ribs and head, the voices of the men who were holding us. I try to keep my mind focused on the road as I make my way to TM. I only have one thing holding me together and that is the thought of finding Jax.

Since that night, Jax has been my only comfort from the crippling anxiety, and the PTSD that came after the incident. He has been the only person to help with my nightmares and my only instinct in this moment is to find him, to seek him out for relief from this awful feeling.

It's late, but not late enough that the party happening at the clubhouse has ended. I pull into the lot probably faster than I should have and park my car. I sit back in my seat and look towards the entrance to the clubhouse as I take a deep breath, _in and out_. I feel every sensation throughout my body with such intensity that I feel like crawling out of my own skin. My breathing is increased but I can't seem to get a breath in. My skin tingles as the numbness takes over, but the numbness of my body doesn't stop me from continuing to feel everything. _That makes no sense_ I think to myself except I know that it does because I should be used to this shit by now.

I don't want to interact with anyone as I think about making my way inside. I just want to find the one person who understands what is happening and who knows how to help. My mind begins to race and as I continue to sit paralyzed in my car. _I wonder if my mom would be the one to help me if she were still here?_ I bet she would be although it is hard to imagine her, especially in this moment. _What if Wendy is in there?_ This is a distinct possibility but what the hell else am I supposed to do? I am already here and I shouldn't have driven in the first place. Beyond that, I know that Jax is my only hope at relief from this hell. _Okay just open the door and get out of the car_ , I tell myself out loud. I do so and make my way towards the building. It feels like my head is in a balloon floating above my body. Or maybe it feels like I am a zombie just ambling about. Everything around me feels like it is not real and I am thankful for the loud music playing, acting like a guide as to where I should be moving my body.

As I walk through the door to the clubhouse I scan the room as it appears no one has noticed me enter. It feels like I stand there for hours although it is only seconds before Tig approaches me.

"Brookie" He slurs, "Whatcha' doin' here so late?"

I look at him with a blank expression and squeak out, "Jax?". I am thankful that I manage to phrase it as a question.

Tig raises an eyebrow at me and I know that he is aware that something is off. He points to a couch in the corner where Jax is sitting in conversation with Chibs. I manage to mumble a thanks.

I continue my zombie walk across the clubhouse. My eyes have tunnel vision as everything in my peripheral vision is blurry. _Remind me again why I have never gotten on meds for this shit?_ I reprimand myself as I approach the couch. I stand silently in the moments before the two men realize my presence.

"Brooke?" Jax says with a concerned look.

"I…." I can't manage to think straight about what I need to say. "I… uh..."

He stands up and puts his hand on my lower back, "Okay B. Lets just get you somewhere quieter" He says as he begins to lead me to the dorms. I nod and walk with him, thankful that he keeps his hand on my back guiding me.

As we walk across the room I am faced towards the bar and see Juice, standing and staring in our direction. His face is unreadable, worried and skeptical maybe. I think back to our time outside of Charming, _Fuck_. I want to yell across the room that this is not what he thinks it is, but I don't have the resolve to do it, not in this moment.

Jax and I reach his dorm room and he shuts and locks the door behind us. Turning to me he asks, "What happened Brooke?"

I feel tears begin to well in my eyes as I move towards him. "It's happening again Jax" is all I say before his arms wrap around me. I let go and allow myself to cry because finally I am feeling something other than the anxiety that has been building inside of me since I woke up. I let myself feel his arms around me and I can already feel my breathing begin to return to normal. His scent is nostalgic and calming in this moment. He doesn't probe any further and I know that he knows exactly what is happening. He lifts me into his arms like I am a baby and easily carries me to the bed, laying me down just as softly. He removes his Kutte and rounds the other side of the bed, climbing in and positioning himself behind me. I feel him start to rub circles on my back with one hand as the other rests on my arm.

This is routine for us, or was the routine when my nightmares were at their worst. If I had a nightmare and the anxiety that always followed this is exactly what he would do for me after. I am thankful that he knows me enough to not need an explanation and I am even more thankful that he remembers how to calm me down. My body is still shaking as I feel him pull the blankets onto both of us and his arm wrap around my stomach. Eventually my breathing returns to normal and my body stops shaking and I am able to fall asleep.

I wake up in the morning and my mouth is as dry as a desert and I am so hot I feel as though I am in one too. Momentarily I forget where I am and what could possibly be causing me to be so damn hot. I shift slightly and feel Jax's heavy arm still around me causing the memories of the night before to come flooding back. I sigh and turn so that I am facing the ceiling.

I haven't had a panic attack like that in years. Sure, my anxiety can be a daily thing I deal with in small doses but nothing like that. Those panic attacks that I had thought I had left behind years ago suddenly reared their ugly head and I sigh at the realization that this was probably not an isolated incident. Jax shifts next to me and I know that he is close to waking up, which I am thankful for because I need water. He stretches and looks over to me, "Mornin' B".

"Morning Jax. I uh…I am sorry about last night". _I need to learn how to deal with this shit on my own._

"Don't be sorry" He yawns and sits up, running his hands through his hair. "What caused the nightmare?"

"I'm not really sure" I explain. "Nothing has happened recently. Maybe it was the stress of seeing my judgmental family"

He simply nods in response.

"I just don't want to cause any problems with you and Wendy" I continue and I mean it. Despite nothing happing other than sleeping in the same bed, any girl would be unimpressed with that.

"Nah, don't worry about it. I am happy that you came to me." He pauses and his brow furrows. "I'm real sorry that happened again. I wish I could take away what happened back then"

He has said that to me on so many occasions and despite telling him otherwise, I know that he has always blamed himself for us getting taken. I don't bother trying to tell him it wasn't is fault because that would be pointless and instead, I smile at him. "It's in the past Jax, and I got over this last time. I will do it again".

He smiles back at me, knowing that it won't be that easy but going along with my sentiment anyway. "Please let me know if you need anything" He says before giving me a soft kiss on the head. He gets up and puts on his Kutte and heads for the door.

I nod and smile, "Thank you again Jax".

He heads out and I realize that I am wearing the same clothes as yesterday and that I am in desperate need of a shower. I consider showering here in the dorm but decide against it as I think a bath at home would be perfect. I gather my phone and keys and head out of the dorm. As I exit the clubhouse, I see Juice sitting alone at one of the tables smoking. His eyes raise to meet mine and realize what this must look like. _I need to talk to him_.


	29. Chapter 27

**Juices POV**

I feel like absolute shit because I drank way more than I should have last night. The morning sun feels nice as I slowly take continues drags off my cigarette, which happens to be the third one I have had since waking up. I don't usually smoke this much but it helps my hangover and I can't stop my mind from wandering so the mindlessness of smoking is helping with that too.

I think back to last night and seeing Brooklyn come into the clubhouse. I notice her as soon as she walks in and can immediately tell that something is wrong. She looks like she has seen a ghost or like there is a disconnect between her mind and her body. My stomach drops because I hated seeing her like that. As I am about to round the bar to go over to her, Tig walks up to her and says something. She barely looks at him, but I see her mouth move. Tig points towards Jax and she moves in that direction. I continue to watch as she stands in front of him, motionless until he guides her to the dorms. My stomach drops for the second time as I watch the walk down the hallway.

I shake my head as the feeling in my stomach begins to return. Her and I aren't together, _because we fucking can't be_. But I think back to Santa Barbara and allow myself for a brief moment to get angry at the thought of her being with Jax again. I know she has been with him in the past, the recent past, but I thought that things might be different after our trip. I tell myself that I can't be jealous or even angry because she isn't mine. _Easier said than done._

Jax walks out of the clubhouse and says a good morning which I return, hiding the feeling that is again creeping into my stomach. I knew that it would be hard over the next few months not being able to be with her and I had prepared myself for that. I guess I just hadn't realized how hard it would be.

A few minutes later she walks out. She looks tired and I notice she is wearing her clothes from yesterday, but she is still beautiful. I selfishly thank a higher power that she is not wearing Jax's clothes like that first morning because I desperately want to see her only in mine. She stops and looks at me with a look in her eyes that I can't quite place. She comes closer to me before speaking. "Will you take me somewhere we can talk? Please?".

She sounds as exhausted as she looks with a hint of worry in her voice. I agree without even thinking because of course I am not going to say no to her plea. I ask her if she wants to take her car or my bike and she replies that she doesn't feel like driving. She grabs her helmet out of her car and hops on the back of my bike. I revel in her touch as we begin to ride, and I notice that she is holding on tighter than last time and her head is rested against my back. I forgot to ask her where she wanted to go, so I make the decision to take her back to the tree that we stopped in before returning to Charming.

When we get there, she takes off her helmet and gets off my bike, remaining silent. "You didn't mention where you wanted to go so…" I trail.

"This is perfect Juice" she says with a smile and walks to the tree, sitting in the grass underneath it. I follow and take a seat beside her.

She is silent for a few moments before speaking, "I didn't sleep with Jax last night" she says flatly.

"Okay…I…"I begin but stop, not quite sure what to say. I admit that a wave of relief rushed over me with her confession.

She continues, "I mean I slept in the same bed as him, but nothing else happened." She is staring over the hill at the field below and I wonder where she is going with this. I appreciate her honesty and the fact that she wants to tell me what happened.

"I appreciate you telling me Brooklyn" I tell her honestly and she moves closer to me so that she is tucked in the space between my arm and torso.

"I felt bad last night, when I saw you behind the bar. I just…" she trails again but I give her time to think about what she wants to say. "…I'm messed up."

I have no idea what she means by that, but I feel the urge to tell her she is perfect. She continues before I get the chance. "I have these nightmares and panic attacks from something that happened years ago. They haven't happened in years but for some reason last night I had a bad one".

I think for a moment. I have no idea what she has experienced in the past because we haven't had the chance to talk about it yet, but I want to know everything about her. "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask tentatively and she nods.

"It was just before my eighteenth birthday. Jax and I were riding his bike from TM to Gemma's house for dinner. All of a sudden, a car pulls up too close behind us and two men get out. They hit Jax over the head, knocking him out, and stick a needle in my arm drugging me so I pass out. We woke up blindfolded and handcuffed in a basement. It ended up being Mayans demanding I don't even know what from the club" She pauses, and I feel my heart pumping faster as she tells the story. I hated the thought of her being involved with SAMCRO like that.

"We weren't down there for too long, just over twenty-four hours but it was awful. We managed to get them to remove the blindfolds, but they used me to taunt Jax. They kicked me and broke two of my ribs and punched me against a wall causing me to have a brain bleed. I was in the hospital for five days after."

"Jesus" I whisper and hold her tighter.

"I started having nightmares in the hospital and they continued after. That was at the same time that Jax and I started seeing each other and the only time that I wouldn't have nightmares was when I slept close to him"

I can sense that she is going to continue so I remain quiet, but I lean down and kiss her softly on the top of her head.

"Eventually I got over the panic attacks and the nightmares stopped to where I could finally sleep alone again. But having that nightmare last night brought me back to that time. It was like I was back in that basement; everything was the same, even what they were staying to us. I woke up and I could feel the pain that I was in back then and I had a panic attack. I didn't know what else to do so I drove to the clubhouse to find Jax."

She looks up at me and I think she is waiting for my response. "Did the panic attack stop, were you able to sleep?" She smiles up at me.

"I was". She says simply. I am glad she told me, not only about last night but about her past. She looks up at me again before speaking.

"I haven't had sex with Jax since a few weeks before he got back with Wendy" she confesses and although I won't admit it, I feel instant relief. That was almost two months ago and long before Santa Barbara.

"Oh. Okay. You don't have to feel like you have to explain yourself to me." I say but I hold her tightly against my side.

"Yes I do Juice. I care about you." Her words make me smile and I can feel her looking up at me.

I look back down at her and my eyes dart from her eyes to lips, "You know I care about you too Brooklyn" I say and before she can speak, I bend down and meet my lips to hers. She returns my kiss and moves her body so that she is straddling my legs as we sit together on the grass.

All of her confessions today have made me fall for her harder. I am happy that she trusts me enough to give me so much insight into the traumas of her past. She has had some walls up since I met her, but I can see that she is slowly letting me in and for that I am grateful. I am also happy to know that she has not been with Jax since we started getting close. _Just a few more months and this could actually be something real._ As Brooklyn and I continue to kiss, I think about what that would mean for me and I can't help but to smile.


End file.
